Things No One Tells You About Being An Expat

Being an expat is one of the most interesting experiences of your life. It can make or break a lot of things, teach you humility and new life lessons, or contribute to some of the most traumatic experiences of your life. I’m not going to sugar coat anything because that’s who I am. There are some things I wished people told me about being an expat before I moved abroad. It’s not all roses, daises, and unicorns. Some days may be harder than others. There will also be other days you feel on top of the world because you’re gaining cool, new experiences.

If you’re just finding this post, hi, my name is Gina and I lived overseas almost a decade. Three of those were in Japan and the other five and a half were in South Korea. Check out my about me page if you’re curious to know my story and how I got started.

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• How To File Taxes Living Overseas
• How To Get a Job Teaching English in Japan
• How To Get a Job Teaching English in Korea
• What’s It REALLY Like Living in Japan?
• What’s it REALLY Like Living in Korea?

1. There’s An Expiration Date

There’s a very small amount of people who marry a local and then decide to stay in their host country. Most people leave at some point or another. This makes it very difficult to make friends because you get close with people and then they eventually leave.

2. Expat Life Isn’t a Vacation

Despite what your friends and family back home think, you’re in your host country to work. Whether that is remotely or you have a visa to work in the country. You’re not sipping martinis every night in some cool local dive bar (idk maybe you are, but go off, your highness). You actually have a normal schedule of exercising, eating, and adulting. Living abroad puts you in a unique situation because every day is a new adventure.

3. You Can’t Travel Everywhere All The Time

Despite having quite a bit of vacation time, I only had a small amount of days off. This meant that I was desk warming the majority of the time. I didn’t take this time for granted. Free time meant I could create content like blog posts, YouTube videos, or Instagram posts.

4. You Get FOMO

There’s two different ways you get FOMO. The first is where you feel like you need to experience everything in your host country; therefore burning yourself out. The second is being so far from home you miss birthdays, weddings, anniversaries. Take it from me, neither feels good.

5. Even If You Assimilate, You’re An Outsider

It didn’t matter how much I tried to assimilate to Japanese or Korean culture, I was still an outsider. There will be many people who are perfectly okay with reminding you that you are the waegook or gaijin. On the bright side, I acquired life skills while on the outside looking in. I learned to be quiet, observant, and perceptive of the non-verbal social cues people were giving.

6. You’re Technically Not A Tourist

Going off my last point, you know better because you’re familiar with the culture. This means you’re not a tourist, but technically not a local either. You have an insider perspective as an outsider and that really puts you in a unique place. I like to call this, the Twilight Zone.

7. You Build A New Life & Routines

This could go one of two ways. You continue with your great health routines from back home or you develop very, very bad habits. Unfortunately, I’m in the group that developed bad habits. There were a lot of luxuries America offered that Japan or Korea simply didn’t have. While I was in Japan, there weren’t many gyms close to me. Japanese are naturally tiny and they don’t gain weight easily. I also had to figure out the hard way me and white rice aren’t friends.

8. You Can’t Outrun Your Problems

My, oh my how many people accused me of this when I left for Japan. In some ways, yes, I was running away from some of my problems. The biggest ones being my household situation and a toxic ex-bf who wouldn’t leave me alone.

Putting physical distance between myself and the people who hurt me was the only way to heal. Although you may have put a large distance between your problems, some don’t magically go away. I had to deal with PTSD and trauma caused by a cycle of dating abusive men. The reason I share my story is to bring awareness to something I often see in the expat community. Help is easier than usual to get now with the internet space. My therapist on Betterhelp helped me overcome and cope with a lot of the negative things that happened in my life.

9. Some Expats Are Toxic AF

You’re not going to get along with everyone and that’s fine. Though you may share being in the same boat, it’s okay not to like the people you come across. Like you would with any toxic friend back home, cut them out of your life.

10. Some Expats Worship Their Host Country

While I was in Japan and Korea, some expats plastered those rose colored glasses on their faces. They believed their host country could do no wrong and were quick to judge people for sharing their negative experiences. When I started talking about the hardships I was experiencing in Korea, people started calling me a liar. They dismissed my experiences simply because Korea is such a “safe country.”

I’m here to tell you some of the worst racism and xenophobia I experienced was in South Korea. If you’re curious, check out Why I Left Korea here and The Truth About Where I Was Living in South Korea.

Next, I realized my bullies were people who experienced financial or racist hardships in their home country. Thus countries like South Korea or Japan a welcome reprieve. Therefore, they could not fathom negative experiences of others in same host country.

11. You Will Experience Racism And Xenophobia

In both Japan and South Korea, I have experienced the worst racism and xenophobia of my life. For full details check out my post, I Experienced Racism in Korea. It’s not a good feeling when someone makes you feel powerless because they know they can get away with it. The worst part is they’re justified because there are usually no anti-discrimination or anti-racism laws.

In addition, you’re going to meet people who hate you because you are different. My best advice is to treat yourself kindly, have a good pop off session, and be grateful you’re not a twat.

12. You Crave Food From Home

The number one thing I constantly hear every expat bitch about (including myself) is missing food from home. I grew up eating Mexican and Italian food, so yes, Asian food starts to taste like crap after awhile. This is the one thing I always found myself struggling with abroad. I always made sure to budget for eating out at my favorite foreign restaurants or ordering special food items online.

13. You Start a Bucket List For Back Home

You never know what you have until it’s gone. There were many things I took for granted while living in the States. The number one being how much I missed autumn in Chicago. My inner basic fall bitch was screaming. I missed picking pumpkins, Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes, and cute Halloween costumes in my size. Finding turkey for Thanksgiving was another very American problem.

While abroad, I began to miss all the amazing places I could travel to in my home country. Believe it or not, I have a bucket list and it involves traveling to gorgeous places in the USA.

14. Being An Expat is Hard AF

Moving abroad takes a lot of work. You have to figure out your living situation, visa, selling your stuff, and having the correct documents in place.

Simple things like banking, getting a phone, and going to the grocery store are harder to do. We don’t even think about how easy it was. You also have to figure out your new neighborhood, how the local transport functions, and so forth.

After you that sorted, you then have to deal with a new culture and language. You have to celebrate holidays away from your friends and family. And sometimes you may even have to deal with a bastardized version of Christmas the way I did. I have a post all about Beating The Holiday Blues Abroad if you need some tips and tricks.

15. Culture Shock Is A Bitch… But So Is Reverse Culture Shock

The funny thing about culture shock is its the shitty gift that keeps on giving. There were times I couldn’t handle certain aspects of the culture and got unnecessarily angry at the smallest things. It’s an up and down roller coaster.

In my opinion, people who experience the largest amount of reverse culture shock were those who weren’t ready to leave. My biggest piece of advice is to be 100% ready to leave your host country. If you’re not and you don’t tie up loose ends, you’re going to suffer.

And in case you’re wondering, no, I haven’t experienced reverse culture shock. Living abroad made me truly appreciate the States. I’m grateful to be safe where no one wants to hurt me or Honey.

16. You’re Not Going To Pick Up A New Language ASAP

Whoever told you learning a language is easy needs to GTFO right now. You don’t magically absorb a language by proxy. The only reason I knew three languages was because of the way I grew up. I grew up in the Old Italian Neighborhood off Ohio Street in Chicago. My grandparents were born in Italy, my mom was born in Mexico, and my dad was born in the States. I am a third culture kid.

While I was in Japan, I decided to learn the language to better communicate and assimilate. I used books to learn basic grammatical structure and writing systems. In addition, I was practicing with my coworkers, dating Japanese boys, and memorizing the lyrics to J-pop music. If you’re trying to learn Japanese, try learning for FREE with Japanese Pod 101.

When it came to learning Korean, I used many different programs such as 90 Day Korean and the KIIP Program. I used the same tactics in Japan. I specifically dated Korean boys who couldn’t speak English, practiced with my coworkers, and listened to K-pop.

The truth is, it takes 600-700 class hours to truly acquire a language. You have to be diligent about it. I’m not going to lie and tell you it’s easy. Japanese and Korean were two of the hardest languages I’ve ever learned. I’m not perfect, but I speak both languages well enough.

17. Being An Expat Makes You Grow

One of the best parts of being an expat is it forces you to look at your own cultural norms. It makes you learn how to empathize and how to be kinder. Being an expat gives you great life skills like quick problem solving and patience. (Because believe me, when the going gets tough, it’s hard to keep it together and not to have a meltdown.) You’ll be in humbling situations that include feeling dumb when you don’t know how to read the sign or express yourself.

This post contains affiliate links which means at no additional cost to you, I make a small commission to help keep Gina Bear’s Blog running. Thanks for your support!

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