Why I Left Korea

If you guys have been following me on Instagram, you’ll partially know why I left Korea. Honestly, there’s so many reasons why I chose to leave and pursue other dreams in my life and now that I’m gone and can speak more freely, I’m ready to share it with you.

I know some of you may feel very disappointed or betrayed because you live vicariously through me. One of the many reasons I stayed so long was I felt like if I left Korea or Japan, no one would like me or my content anymore. But that isn’t true. By sharing my passions, I gained so many new friends across social media.

While living in Asia, I have inspired many people to pursue their dreams and go after their goals. For me, that has been a great honor and I am truly grateful you chose to listen to me and what I have to say. I’ve given great tips on expat life, how to get a job in Korea, how to get a job in Japan, and what life is like as a Latina plus size woman abroad. I’ve talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly of both Korea and Japan. So thank you all for listening to me and giving me this platform to be honest and myself.

However, to be quite frank, I’m excited to have closed the chapter on Korea and move on towards my goals and dreams in life. This isn’t goodbye on my social media. In fact, this is the beginning of an exciting new chapter. But without further adieu here are the many reasons why I left Korea.

Blog Posts You Might Like

• An Idiot’s Guide to South Korean Apartments
• How I Paid off My Student Loans in South Korea
• My Biggest Difficulties Living in Korea
• Why I Prefer Living in Korea Over Japan
• What Is Life Really Like in Japan?
• What Is Life Really Like in Korea?

I Was Alone All The Time and it SUCKED

The Covid-19 pandemic has made the world especially difficult for everyone. We had to learn to adapt to an entirely new way of life that included social distancing, masking, and not being in large groups of people. It’s one thing to be alone in your own country where you know what to expect from your own culture, language, and society. It’s another thing entirely to be in a foreign country alone with no family, partner, or support system that can get to you in time.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for my friends and my awesome supervisor who made sure I was okay when I did need help. I know how blessed I am in that aspect. Living abroad hits differently when you’re a single woman in your 20s and 30s.

Covid-19 made times especially tough for me as an expat woman because it was so impossible or difficult to go out places. I couldn’t reach out to make new friends or even meet my existing ones. When I came home, I came home to Honey which is awesome, but there was no person happy to see me come home. And not gonna lie, it hurts a little bit. I enjoy my space and solitude, but I also don’t enjoy being alone all the time either. I am perfectly okay with my own company. As humans, we are a social species and being with other humans we like is good for us.

In 2020, Korea dragged me through the mud to hell and back. I was angry and negative all the time. Even my own friends didn’t want to be around me much, and I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to be around me last year either. I also began to cut out other people who I felt were bad influences for me as well.

While I lived in Hanam City, I also chose to be alone in my house most of the time because I lived in a dangerous neighborhood. By staying inside away from everyone, it was a good guarantee I could keep myself and Honey safe.

To cope, I started going through therapy more often and I’m really glad I had my counselor, Dave from Betterhelp. Even though I was alone all the time, it actually forced me to look inward and deal with a lot of issues I had been ignoring for a long time. I’m still working on it, but I’m a lot better than where I used to be. But do I want to continue being alone? Hell no, and that’s one reason I chose to repatriate.

One healthy way I tried to cope with living in Korea when I didn’t want to be there was by throwing myself into content creation. I don’t like to brag, but I am very proud of my achievements. I improved DRAMATICALLY. If you scroll back through my Instagram, you can really see the huge improvements I made to my content in one year.

On the job front, foreign English teachers in Korea spend a lot of the summer and winter holidays desk warming. During those times, weeks would pass with me barely seeing anyone. I felt like it was a punishment to sit there without going outside or seeing anyone (because I had an office away from everyone). I began to tell myself I enjoyed solitude during the pandemic to cope with the world around me. Of course, that wasn’t true and made my anger toward Korea multiply. It’s not normal or natural to have spent as much time alone as I did. Even though I was living near a city of 9 million people, I’ve never felt more alone in my life.

The truth is, no one tells you the pain of what it truly means to be on your own in a foreign country. There were times when I was so ill I couldn’t get out of bed, when I was in the hospital, or when I got hit by a car, and I had no one to help me. It was at those times specifically, I hated everything about Korea.

The older I get, the more I realize priorities change. I’d rather be home in my own country with a support system, family, access to food I like, products I need, and my best friends. Now, I would choose all this again and again, than to spend one more minute isolated and alone to fend for myself come hell or high water. My last year in Korea left me with some really deep emotional wounds.

Being Abroad During a Global Pandemic was HELL

To be fair, South Korea had their shit together on an off. Yes, they found a way to implement mass testing, treat the ill, and isolate those who tested positive as asymptomatic carriers. I thought it was wonderful that everyone did their part to wear their masks and social distance. Now they’re beginning to vaccinate healthcare workers and the elderly.

For all the good, there was also a lot of heartache.

There was a very real dark side to being abroad during this shitty time. I was completely alone. I was isolated from most people. I didn’t have many friends because I cut quite a few people out, I don’t have a partner, and I don’t have any family here.

We humans are a social species and we don’t do well in isolation. Maybe you don’t like hugs or physical contact and that’s on you. Scientifically speaking, physical touch increases levels of dopamine and serotonin, two neurotransmitters that help regulate your mood as well as help your body relieve stress and anxiety. And guess who has the absolute worst anxiety?

My last year in Korea, there were nights I cried myself to sleep because the realization of being this alone made me feel like there was a giant hole in my chest from an elephant stepping on me. There were other nights I just cried all night long and couldn’t sleep a wink. Some days I would keep repeating to myself, “You’re okay. You’re okay.” And then end up bursting into tears with my knees buckling under me.

And honestly, that was when I decided that I no longer wanted to be in a place that made me so upset. Most days I would ask myself, “Why am I even here? I didn’t come to Korea to be miserable.”

I’m Tired of Missing Out

When you become an expat, no one ever tells you about the pain of having to miss important events and milestones with those you care about. I will forever regret I couldn’t go back for the weddings of two very important people in my life. I wish I was there to celebrate their special day.

I’ll always have missed watching my nephew grow up and spending time with his mom, my cousin. (In Mexican culture, the offspring of your cousins are nieces and nephews.)

You know what else I’m tired of missing out on? Holidays like Dia De Los Muertos, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Those things are part of my culture and a way of life I was used to for so long. True, we get holidays in Korea, but I really don’t give a flying fuck about Chuseok or Children’s Day. I’m not Korean. I wasn’t born or raised here and those holidays mean less than nothing to me.

Christmas in Korea is seen as a couple’s holiday, and it can get pretty stifling around that time. My students will complain they’re single and lonely. And I can only ask myself, “How in the hell are you lonely when you have your family, friends, and country?” I don’t even bother going out on Christmas here because I can’t stand all the lovey dovey couples, everywhere is crowded, and you can’t even travel anywhere because every hotel is booked. So again, I know there are going to be trolls who read this and say, “Technically what you celebrate is bastardized by the Christians trying to convert the Pagans.”

Well, I got news for you, I know the history too because as an English major, I do get my hands on A LOT of books and I love to read academic and scientific journals to educate myself. I was raised Catholic and I don’t have to apologize for my religion, how I practice, or celebrate in it. I’m okay with the mixing of this and that because I’m a mix of this and that as well. Being half Mexican, I have celebrated Las Posadas and just the joy of being together with people you love and care about… Of hearing my uncle play the guitar and sing popular Mexican songs of times past, taking a shot of tequila with my foul mouthed cousins, and watching my younger nieces and nephews run around a small house. Christmas is not about the material objects. To me, it means spending time with people who love you, making crustalli, eating tamales, and remembering that even though my family may drive me crazy sometimes, they are ride or die.

I miss celebrating the Fourth of July and seeing the sky lit up with fireworks and reminding me what it truly means to be an American. I fucking love my country, damn it. And that also means I want the best for it too. I miss cookouts and bonfires. I miss having a choice to easily get vegan food or hummus.

I’m done watching life go by back home and I’m ready to experience the life I’ve missed for so long.

I Miss Small Comforts

Never again will you hear me complaining about small luxuries we have in America. When I tell you Americans have it good, I mean it. I’m just at a point in my life where I don’t want to have to go without. These small things are actually big things as they make life more convenient.

For instance, a dryer.

Yes, this simple staple of American household pride is something many countries don’t use. But because ‘Merica, I can do my laundry any time and not have to worry if the weather is sunny. Last year, during the historically long months of summer monsoons, my clothes had to hang inside to dry on a clothes rack, and even after 4 days of chilling, they were still damp. And yes, I had a dryer in Korea, but no matter how many times I cleaned the lint out, all it did was blow around hot air.

Going to the grocery store is an absolute chore. For one, I’ve never liked grocery shopping. Second, I like to avoid large groups of people. You know what’s a small comfort? Picking up a package of food at the grocery store and not having to think so hard when I read the label.

I think it’s pretty obvious from my social media, I’m a pretty creative person, yeah? Well for once I’d like to be able to walk into an arts and crafts store and pick up everything I need instead of going to ten different stores, then giving up and ordering off of GMarket (which can be overpriced for certain items). I like to make fun props and even Christmas ornaments for the tree. For everything I want to do, it seems there are always five million and one obstacles in my way.

Hanam City is a Shithole

I’ve also discussed on my social media what it’s really like to live in outside of Seoul. And if you’re outside of the city, you’ll really know what living in Korea means.

There are two parts of Hanam City. Old Hanam and New Hanam. The nicer part of town has the Starfield Mall, beautiful high-rise apartments, brand new schools, shiny new businesses, and a couple of train stations.

The old part that I live in? Wow. You would have to see it to believe the contrast.

Buildings around here have been around since the 60s, the apartment I live in is in a shady area, and there are no train stations. In fact, there have been many a times where I’ve seen men from the local high school and grandpas drop trou to take a leak where my apartment keeps the recycling bins and food trash. And if that doesn’t want to make you throw up in your mouth, I don’t know what will.

I’ve even been in situations where I get on the bus and I’m following the law to the letter. My dog is in a bag, I’m wearing my mask, and I’m sitting quietly away from people. I actually had a bus driver scream at me, pull the bus over, and order me to get off because he said my dog was not allowed on the bus. It was mortifying and I just stared at him until he gave up.

Old Hanam is where the outcasts of Korean society live. And before you raise your torches and pitchforks telling me that I’m a shitty human for judging these people, I don’t. Korean society shoved them out to this area. I did not not. In addition, I only judge the low-lifes that have chased me, screamed at me while I was walking Honey, or tried to kick me off the street (which is a public domain). I don’t have a problem with old people, the mentally ill, or low-income people.

But I have noticed from living in an area where certain types of people congregate, you have certain kinds of problems from those types of people. I don’t know what happened to them in their lives that put them in such a terrible place and I don’t have any right to judge. I will; however, judge all the sex offenders that also live in an uncomfortably close proximity to me.

And the last few months before I left, I had a stalker. There is a man (and I’m not sure if he’s mentally ill or just a creep), but he would see me and follow me. He would constantly try to talk to me in English even though I ignored him and he would often try to pet my dog. I would tell him to leave me the fuck alone in both English in Korean. I guess to him, that was me playing hard to get and not actually meaning it. However, when I would take my phone out to try and film him, he would run away.

The first time I encountered this man, was in a busy intersection and he kept repeating “hello” to me over and over again even though I had my headphones in and was ignoring him. Even though I was ignoring him, he followed me across the street and when I stopped and took my phone out, he took off. The second time, was on a street close to my house. I stopped in front of a sushi restaurant and pretended to call the police in which he took off running. The third time, he did the same. The problem is, I never see him coming because he comes up behind me like the freak he is. This man is about 5-6 inches taller than me, wears glasses, has crooked teeth, and he’s stocky for a Korean. I was convinced if I was dragged off and something happened to me, it would be because of this waste of space and air, poor excuse of a human.

Why didn’t I go to the police? Because they don’t CARE. Plain and simple. I’m not even legally allowed to carry pepper spray in this country because self-defense laws hardly exist. I actually made my own concoction of extra spicy chili pepper water in a spray bottle just in case.

Now, this next part is very disturbing, so I caution you to read it at your own risk. You have been warned.

There are some things in life you can’t unsee and I’m actually still haunted by the image of what I saw last June. One morning, I was casually walking Honey when she started to sniff around the air. I followed her snoot and that’s when I saw a man passed out on top of a black tub in front of a restaurant. Judging by Honey’s reaction, I knew something wasn’t right. When I looked at his chest for any movement… Well, you can guess there was none. You know when someone is dead because they’re tinged a bit green. They’re not pink like the rest of us because blood is flowing through our bodies. There was also another man talking on the phone to the paramedics calling for help. They asked him to put his hand in front of the man’s mouth and check for breathing. There was none.

I don’t know what happened to this man or how he died. I can only speculate. Judging by where he was I can guess that perhaps he had been drinking quite heavily and maybe died from alcohol poisoning. And no, I do not have any photos of the man, nor do I find it respectful to the loved ones of this man to share it online even if I did have a photo. I could only watch as the paramedics were called and his body was taken away in a stretcher to be pronounced officially dead at the hospital.

It’s not that I’m afraid of death or dead people. Growing up half Mexican taught me death is not the end, but the next great adventure. I have seen dead people at funerals, but something hits differently when you see a dead man on the street right by your house.

So now that I’m finally out of Korea and I have the freedom to truly express how I feel, here it goes:

FUCK old Hanam with a wooden dildo unsanded and FUCK all the people there who have ever fucked with me.

If I sound upset, angry, and hurt, it’s because I am. I can finally talk about how bad of situation I was in and that I am perfectly allowed to feel the way I feel because of my experiences. And if you try to downplay my experiences because YOU PERSONALLY have been living in a bubble your hubby, bf, boo, or in a good neighborhood… Then, fuck you too. And fuck all the Koreaboos who put Korea on a pedestal and think it’s a magical place where your Kpop OPPAR is gonna take you away on his white horse. You can get bent too. Also, feel free to unfollow or block me because I don’t need that kind of energy in my life. I will always speak my truth and speak up for what I believe is right and needs to be shared.

And if you do choose to go all high and mighty on me, don’t act like in America there isn’t systematic racism or prejudice that put people considered “undesirables” such as people of color, mentally ill, or low income people into certain neighborhoods and housing. Just look at what’s happening with the vaccine distribution in America and how it is disproportionally affecting communities of color. It’s a sad truth that not just Korean society exercises, but other societies around the world. Check your fucking house before you check mine.

I’m literally calling out one portion of a city in all of Korea. If you take me declaring my hatred for this part of town as hating the entire country… Then that’s your problem and has nothing to do with me.

So you may be asking why I didn’t move? Well, the old VP of my school told me her higher ups off the record said I have to live in the apartment provided or I would not have a job with that school. The previous teacher lost her job because she didn’t want to live in my apartment or the area I was in. And quite frankly, I did not blame her. So you’ll excuse me if I didn’t take this up with City Hall, because they themselves were the ones who put me in such a bad situation all like, “You want a visa? You want to work here? Then dangle puppet, DANGLE.” And since I refuse to work with elementary children, (just my preference) I didn’t have many options.

I Hit The Glass Ceiling Hard

Despite what the EPIK Program officially has announced, they have been downsizing for YEARS. Most positions are available in the countryside. Many cities around Korea are losing funding. Jeollanamdo no longer has Native English Teachers. Seoul has downsized and so has Gyeonggi. Over the last five years, I’ve watched high school positions get cut and Hanam City was one of the last places standing for middle school positions. In March 2020, it was announced there would no longer be housing support for the foreign teachers. Therefore, all the teachers in Hanam up and left except for one who got lucky on his housing contract.

I’ll say it plainly here for everyone to read. I love my students. Even though I live in a low-income part of town, I have the best kids in all of Korea. I say this because they are funny, talented, driven, and seem to make the best out of their situations. I have students who are orphans, come from single mother homes, are under aliases at my school to escape abusive fathers, are raised by the grandparents because their parents can’t or they don’t want them, and other terrible situations. And despite the shit cards they got dealt in life, they still see the light and appreciate the little things… My students in Hanam are what inspired me to stay for as long as I did. I truly believe the future of Korea is bright because of the many wonderful interactions I’ve had with these brilliant young people. Let me tell you a story.

Once, when the students were preparing for their school festival, one of my students looked very crestfallen. When I asked her what was wrong she said, “Our school doesn’t have money. It is poor.”

She then explained that they didn’t have enough money to do everything they wanted to do for their class exhibition. As a teacher who cares about her students, my heart broke when I heard that. It took everything in me not to cry. Instead, I smiled and said, “But we’re going to have the best school festival anyway! What if you get creative and try this instead?”

Once all the other students caught on and started pitching ideas to each other, we were all able to come up with a solution and smile at the end. But again, because I live in a low-income part of town, I have to watch my students bear the brunt of that. That is something no one should ever have to witness or go through. And I can only imagine having to face this reality as a teacher in the United States as well.

So why did I tell you the story about my school being poor? This takes us back to the glass ceiling. According to a survey taken last year by the residents of Hanam City, the majority saw the Native English Teachers as least important in a school curriculum. So what does this mean for me?

Well, it meant these results were reported to the Gyeonggi Provincial Office of Education. Then, as of 2019, I was no longer eligible to make more money because of budget cuts to the EPIK Program. Before, I could go up to 2.7 million won ($2276) or 2.8 million won ($2361) per month. Now, everyone caps off at 2.5 million won ($2108).

Of course, if you work for a hagwon (private academy) you can negotiate higher pay. But for the public school sector, 2.5 million won is the end of the line. I was also told in February 2020 that Hanam City Hall would no longer be providing housing for me starting August 2021. (Which is a problem because according to my contract there would be a 6 month overlap where I would have the stress of having to find my own housing.) For reference, my contract goes yearly and is from March to March. So if I re-contracted in March 2021, I would have been paid only 2.5 million won a second year in a row AND I would need to find new housing.

For those of you who don’t live in Korea, housing is ridiculously expensive. You have to put down a large sum of deposit money (which thankfully you get back) and then because you didn’t pay a cheonse (a lot of money upfront that is usually $100k or above), you don’t live rent free. You still have to pay between 500,000 won to 900,000 won a month.

Why on earth would I want to put myself into the stress of not making any more money and having to find a new house? That glass ceiling was hella real for me. Cutting the housing support for the foreign teachers means that money will then be poured into curriculums like art and music which was what the people of Hanam City voted for.

So you heard it from me first, folks. The EPIK Program is in big trouble. Ever since COVID-19 hit, they’ve been sending emails to their teachers stating we cannot switch schools and only have the option of renewing at the current school only. I have official EPIK emails other teachers have sent me and also what they have told me. It’s not a pretty situation to be in at the moment.

I’m Tired of The Food

When I first came to Korea, I was excited to try all the food (this was before I was vegetarian/pescatarian). Korean food is damn delicious, but either I got older and my tastebuds changed or I was ignoring what was very obviously there.

The fact is… Korean food has a lot of sugar in it. Historically, sugar was added as a preservative to keep food from spoiling. The spicy in Korea is more of a sweet and spicy. So yes, the gochujang (red pepper paste) has a lot of sugar in it and I can taste it.

A lot of meat dishes are also marinated and made to be sweet. This was one of the reasons I also never liked bulgogi. Fun fact, I have never liked teriyaki. In Mexican and Italian cultures, we don’t make our main dishes sweet. If my Italian grandma was making homemade pasta sauce, she would be adding sugar to balance out the acidity of the tomatoes… Not to actually make the sauce sweet the way they do in Korea.

If I wanted Western food, I had to pay top price and I willingly did it too. I believe food is a major part of your happiness as a human. If you don’t like the food of your host country or you grow adverse to eating it, then you’re going to have a lot of problems.

Koreans have a really bad habit of making things that shouldn’t be sweet, sweet. Pizza is sweet. Garlic bread has sugar on top of it (blasphemy, I know). You know what else is sweet? Bread. Any kind of bread is LOADED with sugar. It’s so sweet, I can feel my teeth rotting and falling out of my head with each bite. I’ve even been to some “Mexican restaurants” where a fucking taco was sweet. I literally almost spit it out.

Most of the time, I chose to cook at home, which is fine. But let me tell you a secret. Yes, food can be cheaper in Korea IF you change your diet and eat like a Korean. I refuse to eat Korean dishes and white rice 24/7, so yes, I do spend extra money on Coupang to buy ingredients to make food that won’t make me go crazy. And you best believe I spent coin on pumpkin puree to make PSL and no bake pumpkin pie during fall.

Koreans Aren’t Early Birds

There’s nothing I love more than waking up early after a good night’s sleep and getting started with my day. I absolutely love to tidy up my house, go to the gym, do some laundry, and most importantly, run errands.

This may be a habit from starting school early since I was in high school, but I see the virtue in rising early and going to bed early. If you’re a night owl, I guarantee you’re going to thrive here, but for someone like me, it is literal hell. Banks don’t open until 9am when I’m already at work and close at the same time I get off of work. If I need to get something done, I have to take off work.

When I start doing errands in Korea, they usually start at 10am when all the stores open. Then, at that time, I’m usually battling the ajhumma and ajhussi who are also out at that time taking their sweet ass time doing everything.

I Want Clothes & Shoes

Good lord, I ACTUALLY miss actually HAVING a closet and not a tiny little wardrobe.

I miss having a cute shoe rack in my closet. I’m a US size 9. You know what that means? There’s no shoes for this bitch right here. Shoes in Korea go up to US size 8 or maybe 8 1/2 if you’re super lucky.

Gone are the days where I could easily walk into a department store during a sale and STILL find shoes in my size. If I did find shoes in Korea, they were from H&M, usually not that great of quality, and very expensive. If I needed sneakers, I would have to go into the men’s section.

Also, the shoes I did have would get destroyed so quickly. While Korea does have paved streets, a lot of them have stone sidewalks. This means over time certain stones get weighed down making other stones and stick out. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tripped over the stones while walking, bust my shit, or damaged my shoes beyond repair.

After so many years of having to go without, I cannot even begin to describe what it feels like not to find clothes and shoes in your size. And for all you skeptics out there, no, I never did get used to it. I’m fucking TIRED of having to do without.

I had to order online via Shein and again, while I am grateful at least I had that option, not getting free return shipping from Korea was a real bitch. Sometimes it was just easier to keep the clothes and resell them in Korea because returning them wasn’t even worth it. Basically, I was spending more on my clothes than the average person.

Yes, I am forever grateful at least there were some Western brands in Korea so I could get a few pieces here and there. I hardly ever threw any of my clothes away because I knew that I would have a lot of problems finding replacements. And again, while it’s good for the environment, at the same time, I also like thrifting. Thrifting isn’t really a thing in Korea as most Asian cultures would rather have their items brand new rather than second hand. This is a big reason why designer and name brand stores do so well in South Korea.

I Want To Have… Stuff

The older I get, there’s a lot of things that I’ve dreamed about owning. For instance… A really big Christmas tree and awesome Christmas decorations I can make to go with it…or a bike.

I once had a bike in Japan and the bike I bought had a bad back tire that kept popping. Every single time I tried to go to the bike shop close to my house, it was closed and the shop owner was just being a dick about not “understanding” what I wanted even though I had a page translated by my coordinator about what work needed to be done. It was also hella expensive to have a bike. I also heard in Korea, it’s pretty much about the same.

I decided that was the last time I would own a bike abroad. Bikes aren’t half as expensive as they are in the States and and I’m beyond stoked to own one again. I want to own roller skates too because I enjoy those two outdoor activities. Fun fact, I was actually on a roller hockey team with all the boys when I was in elementary school.

For so long I’ve held back on not owning a lot of things simply because I knew I was moving around a lot and I would have to pay a lot in shipping fees or I would have to sell my things because I couldn’t take it with me. Now, I’ll be able to have stuff again!

Culture Shock Is The Shitty Gift That Keeps on Giving

You think it’s a one and done when you live abroad? You go through that initial low of culture shock, hate everything, then start adapting and assimilating into your new society?

*Insert evil laugh here.*

Yeah, I hate to burst your bubble, pork chop, but that’s not how it works.

There are times when you’re going to be riding the gravy train screaming, “Fuck YEAH I live abroad! Look at me, bitches!” Similarly you will also have times where you’re going down a pothole filled road on the struggle bus praying to god the bridge won’t collapse under you screaming, “I fucking hate everything! Get me outta here!”

At one point, I was so tired of hearing Korean, I actually deleted every single K-pop song off my phone. I put all of my KIIP textbooks and Korean language books in a dark cabinet where they couldn’t see the light of day. If it wasn’t in English or Spanish, I just couldn’t be bothered. I really hope you won’t take this as me sounding ignorant. It’s something I also did in Japan to put myself into a space of normalcy with a small sense of control.

Also, just because you live in a foreign country, doesn’t mean you have to be 100% exactly like the people here. After all, my mom still watches the Mexican news, watches telenovelas, and listens to very loud mariachi music. She even dicks off to Mexico when my dad drives her nuts or she can’t even with American society. And I’m ALL for that.

At the end of the day, you decide what you will and will not accept. There were several things I could not accept about Korean culture like how conservative it was. I cannot accept that if I wear a bikini to the beach or water park, everyone is going to throw me dirty looks and act like I’m the Whore of Babylon.

I hate that when it’s blazing hot and all I want to do is wear a tank top, I have to cover up with a jean jacket or wear a t-shirt under my spaghetti strap dress. When I didn’t conform to Korean society’s standards of modesty, I actually got put in a shitty situation where a disgusting old man actually reached through a cafe window to grab me. And they do it because they know they can get away with it.

Did that stop me from wearing what I wanted? Yes and no. I still wore what I wanted, but I put on a jean jacket over my spaghetti straps or “low cut” tops.

Another thing I could never accept from Korean society are the spur of the moment excuses they make for why I can’t do things or why something is banned for me. Like I was actually on the phone with a Shinhan Bank representative who told me I can’t transfer money through online banking because I am a foreigner. Then added the low blow of, “Please understand our unique situation.”

Pero, like no.

Pollution

I’ve mentioned this many, many times on my blog and YouTube channel. To be completely honest, I just can’t handle the pollution anymore. Five years ago, I started noticing I was getting ill from 1) the fact no one in Korea covers their mouths when they sneeze or cough and 2) the pollution.

There would be times in winter I woke up and coughed up a bunch of mucus. TMI, but it’s the truth. I come from a very cold climate and I never coughed like that in winter. Before you say anything, yes I did have an air purifier in my home, but there’s only so much that can do. And yes, I also did wear masks to help filter out the trash in the air. Despite this, there were times I would climb up stairs and be completely winded with or without the mask. And I’m not the only one who suffered either. My Pom, Honey Bear would also have really nasty coughing fits and she would have tear stains from allergies.

To test the theory the pollution was the cause of my breathing difficulties, I went to Joshua Tree National Park in January 2019 (pre-COVID lockdowns). I distinctly remember the air quality being at 13. I was climbing up and down a bunch of rock formations and anywhere else I could climb. I noticed I was not as winded as I would have been in Korea where hiking would cause me to be completely out of breath from an easy climb. (Or walking up the stairs for that matter.)

For me, it is depressing to look up at the sky and see the blue tinged with gray. Especially when I knew it was coming from the pollution. I never grew up like that in America and I don’t want to have to continue living like that in South Korea.

Pain

While going to the doctor is very cheap in South Korea, not all doctors are created equal and not all treatment is perfect either. That being said, from having to dress up for work and wear uncomfortable shoes, I began to suffer from plantar fasciitis in both my feet. The pain was so bad, I couldn’t walk out of bed in the morning without tears coming to my eyes.

After explaining the cause of pain to my coworkers, they were totally chill with letting me wear sneakers on the job and sympathizing plantar fasciitis was a common problem among teachers from standing long periods of time. Once I was able to get the pain under control from changing to better shoes, stretching, and exercising, that’s when pain started in my back.

I’d always had a dull pain in my lower back, but then I started to have pain in my mid-back. And I’m telling you the pain is so bad, it would wake me out of a dead sleep in the middle of the night unable to take deep breaths because even that was painful. Only until I took ibuprofen and stretched, then I could go back to sleep.

This pain has continued the majority of 2020. While I was fortunate enough to have access to cheap Korean healthcare, electrotherapy isn’t a permanent solution to my pain. When I traveled throughout the USA in January 2019, I finally had access to CBD oil which was also great for my anxiety. While I took it, it was like I never had any pain in my body at all.

Stress causes a number of illnesses in the body. Doctors and scientists alike still can’t tell you all the negative health effects. I believe deep down, I knew it was time to go, but fear was holding me back. I didn’t want to be in South Korea, and even more so when COVID-19 turned the world upside. It was a scary time not knowing what was going on and being so far from my family. It was even harder when the government ordered a mandatory shut down and I was home alone with no one except Honey.

While I’m now used to being lonely, I had no choice. I told myself I loved it because thinking about how completely alone I was in a foreign country was a worse alternative. My mental health was worse in 2020 than it was when I went through the defamation lawsuit.

Remember how I told you stress does messed up shit to the human body? I believe my stress manifests itself physically and actually causes me pain.

I Want To Find a Partner

Yes, I know I am a strong independent woman and don’t need no man. I also know that for whatever reason, there seems to be a desperate stigma on a woman if she says she wants a partner. Like yes, I want a partner, but that doesn’t mean I will settle for any douche canoe that comes my way. I have standards, homie.

I honestly gave up on trying to find a partner here because after my last Korean boyfriend I realized quite a few things.

1. When your partner is in his country with his language, family, friends, and way of life, why should he have to change for you?
2. Korea is a patriarchal society. So yes, a woman should bend over backwards and become a slave and/or mommy to her overgrown man child aka husband or boyfriend.
3. While I did find it easy to score lots of dates, I never really clicked with anyone. The men I also went on dates with also expected me to spread my legs so they could ride the brown horse. When I didn’t, I never heard from them again.
4. If you choose to settle down with someone from abroad you have to think about logistics. Are you going to live in his home country, your home country, or some place entirely new?
5. Language and cultural barriers are a thing. Relationships take work and even more so if you come from different countries. You really have to break apart why you have certain expectations and why.
6. You’re not taken seriously. Most Korean guys up front try to figure out if you’re in Korea for the long haul. Why would they want to start a relationship with someone who will just break their heart when they leave?
7. I don’t fit the Korean standard of beauty for foreigners. Yes, there are different strokes for different folks all over Korea and YES I have foreign friends of all shapes, sizes, and colors that are married to Korean men. But you wanna know the truth? Compared to a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, I am ALWAYS the second choice if not last choice.

At this point in my life, I know who I am and what I bring to a relationship. I’m a kick ass lady, loyal, fun, honest, ambitious, and cool. Any man would be very lucky to have me. I expect my man to step up to the plate and be a good man or gtfo because I don’t have time for that.

After spending a lot of time in therapy, I learned a healthy relationship is two people with their own lives, goals, friends, and dreams. When two people are compatible, they build a life together with love and support.

Many people may get pissed off at me for saying this, but I honestly have no desire to date someone who was born and raised in another country ever again. It’s nothing hateful, it’s just my personal preference. Relationships take a lot of work and when you toss in a culture and language barrier, it makes it it even more difficult.

After living abroad and assimilating to both Korean and Japanese society, I truly believe east and west is like night and day. They’re opposites in every way, shape, and form. I’ve mentioned many times race has never mattered to me. As a matter of fact, the best relationship I ever had was when I dated an Indian-American guy before I moved to Japan. At the end of the day, what does matter to me is that my partner is culturally American.

In my own country, I have a higher chance of meeting someone who is more culturally similar to me, speaks the same language, and can understand cultural nuances and expectations. I can meet someone who is most likely also a child of immigrants and can understand what it’s like to live in both worlds of their parents’ and their own culture.

It Was Time

Being an expat has an expiration date, especially when you’re an English teacher. Unless you’re married to a Korean national or have the permanent resident visa after studying with KIIP, then it’s not really an ideal place for you. In my opinion, those who had more opportunities here fit the mold of what a stereotypical foreigner or they were descended from Koreans. There is a very small percentage who actually go off and do other things because they’re competing with Koreans in an already very small and competitive job market.

The very real glass ceiling was a reminder that Korea didn’t value my presence in the country. During my last two years in Korea, I was making the same amount of money. I also couldn’t risk staying around after Hanam City Hall also axed off the free housing as well. The same pattern happened in Suwon and the year after, they got rid of all the foreign teachers. #nottodaysatan

Being in my own country means people won’t stare at me or question my existence for being around. People won’t chase me, scream at me, follow me, kick Honey (or try to), or call the cops on me for being the foreign and suspicious scum walking around in the neighborhood. Sometimes, living in Korea was very dehumanizing. In America, I’m just like everyone else and that within itself is fucking beautiful.

And just for a little while, until I transition back into American life, I won’t mind my mom taking care of me or the security that comes with living at home.

Out of all my friends, I’d been abroad the longest, capping off at eight and a half years. People don’t tell you the majority of your friendships also have an expiration date and that is the WORST part. You become fast friends, have an incredible time, and when you turn around, they’re gone. That was one of the shittiest lessons I had to learn as an expat. I crave stability and I want to go back to my group of friends and family who know and love the real me.

Speaking of which, I learned another shitty lesson as an influencer. People will try to get close to you because they think they can get something from you and then ditch you when you don’t give them what you want. A lot of people have done that to me and I’m glad to be rid of them.

I began to realize living abroad was no longer this shiny adventure I once thought it was. In fact, there was a lot of anxiety and stress that went with it. I had my fun and now I’m ready to go and seek more opportunities.

I Wasn’t Growing

This is when you know you need to leave a place. When your personal growth stops and you’re not learning, experiencing, or doing anything new, then you should probably leave.

Now let me explain. I spent the entire last year of my time in South Korea learning useful skills. I was learning photography, videography, SEO, and how to use my social media as leverage to finally start getting paid as an influencer.

When I talk about not growing in Korea, I mean I wasn’t learning anything new about the country. I had already traveled to a vast majority South Korea. Just check the archives in my blog. While I did enjoy traveling and discovering different parts of Korea, keep in mind, the country is the size of Indiana. There’s only so much you can do with a country this small.

And no, I’m not discrediting all the history of the country. Korea is about 5,000 years old and that comes with a really unique culture as well. I stopped learning Korean because I knew I wouldn’t need it in my future because I was no longer shooting for a permanent resident visa. I could also speak and understand enough Korean that my daily life wasn’t a hindrance.

I was great as an English teacher. I knew how to get my students to learn, how to change my style if the students weren’t learning, and how to keep English class entertaining. I’ve taught everything from writing, speaking, listening, and grammar. But the thing is, I also was not growing in that aspect either. I was at a comfortable job that I was good at, but not passionate about.

I was craving a new adventure, a new challenge, and most importantly the freedom to carve out a new career path for myself. The freedom to do what I wanted in my home country because I wasn’t tied to a job that could cancel my visa at any time.

It’s OKAY To Go Home

A lot of people see as quitting living abroad and going back home as some sort of failure. I think not.

Why is it a failure to go back to your home country after doing something so many people find so unimaginable? Girl, you’ve got nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. And people are gonna judge whether you do or don’t.

I’ve been through more in almost a decade abroad than some people have been in their lifetime. I learned two more languages which puts my total of spoken languages to five.

Recently, two of my favorite YouTubers, Simon and Martina moved back to Canada from Japan. On a video about their dog Fudgy, Simon wrote, “especially with our move back to Canada, where we can be closer to family and friends… Our focus first and foremost is taking care of our wellbeing, which we’ve been neglecting for a long time. We have more support here and more options.”

And that hit home HARD.

Always remember you will have more opportunities in your home country. You will have the luxury and support of your friends and family. Best of all? You can more easily take care of your well-being as you’re back in an environment where you have ACCESS to what HELPS your well-being.

I Still Stand By My Old Blog Posts

So if you’re still thinking… “How could you leave Korea when you make it look so amazing! I wanted to come because of you!” Well, Korea looks amazing and luxurious because I MADE IT LOOK THAT WAY. Not because it is luxurious. Most people here dress in very plain clothes with plain colors. The truth is, there aren’t many places you can wear a fancy beautiful dress or wear high heels without breaking your ankle walking on the sidewalk (because the pavement is very uneven).

On the flip side, I will be eternally grateful I was able to inspire anyone to come to South Korea. It means the world to me you thought highly of my opinions and advice. Thank you all for putting your trust and faith in me that this was a good place to move abroad.

I will never ever be that person who will tell you not to come to Korea if that is your dream in life. Everyone deserves to have their dreams and achieve them. I will forever be your hype woman being like, “YAHS QUEEN. You made your dreams come true! You overcame all your obstacles and came to Korea (or Japan) like the bad ass boss babe you are. Congratulations from the bottom of my heart!”

I will always recommend everyone live abroad at some point in their lives. It will make you more rounded, teach you new life skills, and make you a more empathetic and interesting person. Go forth young Padiwon, and live abroad in South Korea or Japan or anywhere your heart wants to take you. Life is an adventure and it’s too short to let other people (myself included) dictate how you feel or what you do.

After reading this, if you STILL think I’m completely shitting on Korea, then you know nothing about me and what I stand for. I’ve lived abroad for eight and a half years—three of which were in Japan and the rest in South Korea. Obviously I liked both countries a lot, otherwise I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did.

Yes, I still think Korea is 10x better to live in as an expat compared to Japan. Yes, I think Japan is one of the absolute BEST countries to travel to as a female solo traveler. Yes, people in Korea have given me countless compliments on my Korean ability, told me I was pretty because of my small face, and they loved how I appreciated their country and culture through my social media. I had people here help me and take care of me for no other reason than out of the kindness of their hearts. And for that, I will be eternally grateful. I’ve had coworkers feed me, help me find certain businesses and products, and even check in on me. If you take one look at my Instagram, then you’ll see I do appreciate Korea because I see the world through the magical lens of my heart.

Do I still love South Korea and Japan? Absolutely. I love both of those countries, their cultures, and traveling to all the amazing places in them. My dream is to one day get paid by their tourism boards to promote their country and tourism because it’s what I’ve been doing on my own for years.

I do not; however, enjoy the dark and dirty side the media or no one seems to want to portray and shed light on. I don’t enjoy how this last year has made me feel. I don’t enjoy being alone.

I’m also side eyeing all you Koreaboos who are obsessed with Kpop and think OPPAR will come on his white horse to rescue you into a magical fairytale land called Korea.

DO.NOT.COME.TO.KOREA.FOR.THAT.

Just read about the Dark Side of Dating in Korea and watch my video on Things Korean Fuckboys Say and you will change your mind like, yesterday. Come to Korea because you’re looking for a new adventure, to broaden your horizons, and most importantly, learn.

At this point in my life staying in Korea is counting against me versus actually helping me achieve my goals and ambitions in life. For what I want to do in the future, I want to be an influencer and full time blogger. That is the ultimate dream for me and nothing is going to stop me until I get there. I want to get paid more than $2000 a month and I want to be in my own country where I do have the opportunity to climb higher than an English teacher.

So What’s Next For Gina Bear?

Glad you asked. Some of you may have noticed I’ve been transitioning into more America based content. I’m really excited to explore more of my own country. It’s a place I got to explore as a young teenager, but not as an adult. I’m looking forward to seeing all the stunning places my country has to offer. After all, America is stunning and our National Parks draw millions of visitors each year because of the natural beauty and wonder.

Because of the COVID-19 epidemic, the plan is to stay home for a few months and spend time with my parents. My Uncle John (dad’s bff) promised to take me out on his boat on The Gulf and I will most likely be eating ALL THE MANGOS I can get my hands on. And probably making a few trips to Nuevo Progresso, Mexico.

I’m looking forward to the freedom of driving on the roads that wind through the endless horizon of Texas. I’ll probably spend a good chunk of time in Chicago (my hometown) reacquainting myself with the city, spending time with friends I’ve dearly missed, and with my siblings. I’ve also been manifesting a trip to The Grand Canyon as I’ve never had the glorious opportunity to see it with my own eyes.

Since I work online with VIPKID, (I can finally admit it now I’m out of Korea and my trigger happy haters don’t have an excuse to call immigration) I plan on continuing as one of my streams of income. I’m planning on working full time as an influencer and content creator. It’s been my dream for many years and I KNOW I have the knowledge, talent, ambition, and drive to do it. My life can truly begin now that I’m back home and the opportunities are more abundant than in Korea.

So what else is next for me? Perhaps a move to Playa Del Carmen is also in the cards for me as I have dual citizenship in Mexico and they took the pandemic much more seriously than the USA did. I can also move to Austin which I absolutely love and one of my best friends lives there too.

I’m excited to live my life more freely without being tied to a visa and my job. I’m mostly excited that I never have to desk warm ever again. It feels surreal I have the opportunity to travel when I feel like it, work on my own schedule, spend time at home with my family and Honey Bear, exercise outside because I no longer have to worry about air pollution, and to continue to build the dream life I’ve always wanted.

It was never my dream in life to be a teacher. Yes, I am good at it and I always gave 100% to my students even when I had to go in sick (because that’s how they roll in Asia). I always made sure to give them the best lessons and create fun activities to engage them. I built relationships with my students and watched them grow in confidence as they grew in their English abilities. It was a beautiful season in my life I will never forget. Teaching English in Korea and Japan was one of the best things I’ve ever done. It allowed me to live abroad as an expat and experience the good, the bad, and the downright fugly. It forced me to grow up and make me learn tons of new skills like blogging, SEO, photography, and so much more.

So before I go, I just want you all to understand I need a period of rest. I need time to recharge my mind, my body, my heart, and my spirit. I need to have some time where I take everything I’ve learned, simmer on it, and then start moving forward again. I need time to heal and nurse the emotional and physical hurts being in South Korea caused me. I deserve some time to heal and rest.

The fact is, this isn’t goodbye. My journey as Gina Bear started off as an online diary and grew to something much, much bigger. And I couldn’t have done it without all of you. This chapter on South Korea needs to close. The season is finished. I’m excited to start moving forward again and open a new chapter in my life. Catch you all on the flip side.

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