How Being an Expat Changed Me

Being an expat is one of the hardest and most rewarding experiences of your life. You encounter hardships like culture shock, rejecting, accepting or assimilating to your new culture, and communication barriers. The list of hardships is long, but the rewards are longer. As an expat, you learn to get creative. You build a foundation for yourself in a new place. You make connections and become friends with people who have lived or are living abroad. Your eyes open to a greater world that you would have never existed unless you stepped outside your comfort zone. Being an expat changed me. 

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I Have A Different World View

Early on in my expat career, I was terrified to go back to America. I built a fundamental version of myself. I had my habits, my ways, and I was set in that life. As an expat, I built a new version of me….One that has matured years since arriving in Japan in 2012. Personally, I like who I am now versus who I was. I feel these changes are some my family and friends back in America wouldn’t understand because they haven’t seen or experienced the things I have. They also expect me to be the same as they remembered and while some aspects of my personality have not changed (such as my sense of humor) others have.

I realize I’ve lived a life most people only dream of. In fact, most people aren’t like me. They haven’t dropped what’s comfortable to pursue a life in a foreign country away from their family and friends. I have access to so many different countries and cultures living in Asia.

Living overseas, I also realized why the rest of the world doesn’t like Americans… A lot of Americans feel super entitled the world bends to their whim. Just look at all the Karens demanding the USA open up during the coronavirus pandemic so they can get a haircut. (And some, (not all) white expat men and women from America are the best example of that entitlement.) Many Americans have an ethnocentric superiority believing the world should bend to their America.

Now seeing it from the other end, I realize this way of thinking is wrong. What makes the way we do things better than everyone else? Why should others speak English for our benefit? We may not agree with some things done in a different country, but it still doesn’t make it wrong. 

I am proud to be American, but I am also critical of my country. I can see how corrupt America is based on the politics and the health care system. I can see how when a president of one of the most powerful countries on Earth starts to scapegoat certain races and people, it’s a huge problem. As an outsider in Japan looking in, I saw how being courteous and polite to others goes a long way. In Korea, I watched how education is indeed a key for the future. While visiting in Thailand, I watched how a genuine smile could turn around someone’s day. Living and traveling abroad has changed me and many of the ideas I picked up in other countries I hold true.

I Think Asian Guys Are Hot

In America, Asian men are viewed as the side kick to the superior white man. They’re seen as the brainiacs or the King Fu master. Back in the day, when Chinese men were coming over to California during the Gold Rush, they were looking to marry American women and start a life in the Land of Opportunity. White man, feeling threatened by Asian penis in his white woman, started the bull shit that Asian men had small penises, weren’t manly, or even worth the time. Unfortunately, this stigma still stands in America today. 

Asian men aren’t as feminine as America’s macho society depicts them to me. Many of them have great style, take care of their bodies, and don’t feel the need to prove their masculinity the way my American counterparts do. 

Many Asian men I meet here and in Japan still look very good up until their late 40s. (This is also thanks to their great genetics.) Compare this to some of my high school classmates who are now in their 30s going bald, gaining weight, and wrinkly because they didn’t take care of their skin.

You can read all about why Asian Men are Sexy here.

In America, I don’t see many men carrying their girlfriend’s or wife’s shopping bags, purse, etc. Many men (not all) see that as being “whipped” instead of gentlemanly. I’m a hopeless romantic. While I’m an independent woman and like being that way, I also want my boyfriend to treat me like his queen so I can make him my king. I long for sweet nothings, flowers just because, and him putting my hand in his pocket when it’s cold.

In both Japan and Korea, I love the matching couple outfits from head to toe or silly hats. It’s adorable and from my point of view, he loves his girlfriend enough to show the rest of the world, “this is my woman, back off.” I think these actions of going the extra mile are what make a lot of men in Japan and Korea hot.

Learning Asian Languages is Cool

When I was a young girl growing up, my classmates made fun of me for the way I talked. My mom’s second language is English so back then, she had a very strong accent. Hence my brother and I would pronounce things in English the way she did. And because kids are assholes, they pointed it out. For a long time, I didn’t let anyone know I could speak another language.

Up until the eighth grade, I wouldn’t use Spanish unless absolutely necessary. After I accepted my identity as a multi-cultural child, I began to learn bits and pieces of Japanese.

If you learned Japanese back in the day, it was because you were a nerd and you didn’t want people to think that. Now, I really don’t care and have learned both Japanese and Korean. If you’re interested in learning Korean, I highly recommend getting this FREE 90 minute hangul cheat sheet.

I’m very proud of being able to speak five languages and it’s one of my proudest achievements to date.

I Can’t Go Back to the Same Life I’ve Lived

My linguistics professor from Illinois State University came to Okinawa to visit his in laws with his husband. He told me, “You’ve changed so much, you won’t be able to go back to the life you’ve lived before. You’ll probably be so bored dating a guy in America.”

He has no idea how true his statement rings. How can I go back to a mundane life of working a job I hate and then going out to the bar to drink it off? I’ve explored Asia, climbed mountains, swam in rivers, and played with exotic animals. I’ve learned Korean and Japanese. How could I possibly cope with having a monolingual boyfriend when I can speak Spanish, Italian, English and conversational Japanese and Korean? I would be so bored going to the movies and dinner as a date when I would rather go someplace I haven’t been.  

This post may come off as me being “better.” Really, it’s not. My interests and outlooks have changed; therefore, I can’t connect to the people I used to connect with easily. I feel closer to people who have lived or traveled abroad, speak multiple languages and have an open mind. This isn’t saying I don’t love my friends and family back in the states. In fact, I love them and miss them dearly. I’m trying to figure out how to bridge the gap that permeated between us without my noticing.

I realize now more than ever living abroad has set me apart from many of my American counterparts who have never left the country. I feel more at home with other people who have lived abroad from various different countries. Sadly, many of my countrymen don’t even have a passport and have never left the country. Being an expat since 2012 has been a privilege. I’ll never forget that. Having an education landed me in many foreign countries to teach English, learn the language and experience the culture.

I am a child of the world. Many of the things I’ve learned have helped shape me as a better person. It made me more empathetic and more willing to step out of my shoes and see things from a different angle. I learned things university or living in another foreign country could never teach me. I will forever be grateful that being an expat changed me forever and for the better.

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