Due to a suggestion from a friend, I wanted to discuss dating military on the island of Okinawa. At first, I was unsure how to handle this post due to the possibilities of being called unpatriotic, a military basher, and America hater. In the end, I realized, haters gonna hate and likers gonna like.
Many, many moons ago, I was in a serious/long distance relationship with a soldier and it didn’t work out. I have many friends in the military, and I in no way, shape or form dislike them or their service to the country I love so much. I realize they gave up their comfortable lives in their homes with their loved ones so I could be free. God bless America and God bless the men and women who sacrifice their lives so I can live the way I do.
Blog Posts You Might Like
- An Expat Woman Dating in Japan
- Cheating in Japan
- How To Get a Korean Boyfriend
- The Dark Side of Dating in Korea
- What’s It Like Living in Japan?
First, allow me to address a few of the experiences I’ve had dating military by using PoF, OkCupid!, and Tinder. I met a deeply religious guy on PoF when I first moved to Okinawa. *Nate intrigued me because I thought he was smart and musically talented. Later, I found his drive to be intelligent was only to compete with me. As our friendship deepened and my feelings grew, he started going on about how lonely the military made him feel and if he wasn’t married by 25, he would be incredibly depressed.
He would often complain about the incompetency of his comrades, the rampant theme of alcoholism, promiscuity, and cheating he’d witnessed. Let’s just say he wasn’t giving me the best impression of military life. *Nate wasn’t honest with me, started dating a Japanese girl to better his skills and I stopped talking to him out of jealousy.
My next encounter was with a charming dark haired, blue eyed gentleman. I met *Tom through *Nate. The first time we met, he was wasted, playing a “Thank You” game, and asked me if my first language was English because I was a foreigner on Okinawa not in the military. Tom hid the way he felt about me for quite some time. Tom’s intelligence and ability to see the world made me realize I really enjoyed his company. It was until his tour of Okinawa was over I started reciprocating his feelings and was notified by Tom’s close friend how Tom felt. Two weeks later, I cried in my car realizing Tom would never come back and what could have been was a fleeting memory.
I then met a red head who I initially wasn’t attracted to because of his hair color. I decided to step outside my comfort zone and let him show me who he really was. Initially, as all young men are, when trying to win fair, young lady’s heart, they court you and treat you wonderfully so I fell for him. My redhead deployed and according to him, war changed his feelings for me. And I quote, “I don’t really feel anything for you anymore.” That’s not the first time I’ve heard that excuse to myself or someone I know.
I took a break for awhile until I heard about the Tinder application. I liked the idea of rating people as hot or not and being able to control who spoke to me. On Ok!Cupid, I had encountered too many thirsty boneheads or guys I simply had no chemistry with. Tinder is no different.
Having used this application for 5 months, I find it’s similar Ok!Cupid, PoF, or any dating site I’ve used in the past. With the guys I’ve met, they often complain how they can’t do anything on this island because of the Liberty Policies. Last I checked, this policy did not prohibit explorations of Okinawa such as seeing Shuri Castle, Kokusai Dori, hiking, snorkeling, or enjoying many of the beautiful parks Okinawa offers.
The guys I encounter seem to want someone to vent to, and an expat woman with no connection to the military is their way out while complaining about their “difficult” lives because of the Liberty Policy. I feel for some of these young men and women, I do. Two years ago, if it wasn’t for the two sailors from Guam who raped an innocent Okinawan girl, this policy would not be in effect. For those good souls who do respect the island, the culture, and Japan, I can see how unjust this is.
I’ve been on many dates and I just don’t feel any connection to many of the military men on the island. Some are looking for sex, some are looking to detach themselves from what they believe mundane military life is, some are looking for a partner simply because they are lonely. Most of the men I meet from the military fall into those categories. I feel suffocated and stifled by the men who want to escape their military life by latching onto someone who isn’t military.
I also know it’s not their fault, but many American military divide this island due to military base locations. It’s not Yomitan, it’s where Torii Station is. It’s not Chatan, it’s where Camp Foster is. I feel this designation separates me from the military men even more. Their idea of “Japan” is the local izakaya in American Village and Kami Sushi above the Sega Arcade. I can’t relate to them because my interests consist of things that aren’t military.
In addition, time on the island of Okinawa is brief. Everyone has an expiration date unless they marry in. Military must leave for other assignments and on the JET Program, I can choose not to recontract and leave as well. Time is limited so how does one really know the person they’re dating without making rash decisions of marriage just to stay together?
Many military choose to marry young as well. While this is an option for many people, it’s not an option for me. I don’t want to marry young. I know I’m still ignorant of many things in this world, and to cut myself off from the world I desperately want to be a part of would be death to my soul.
As I’ve mentioned before in Expat Women Dating in Japan, dating is hard for an expat woman in Asia. I don’t know how many expat women or women in other countries where American military are stationed have encountered the same experiences as myself, but I’d like to know. Leave your comments below and let me know your experiences and opinions.
This post contains affiliate links which means at no additional cost to you, I make a small commission to help keep Gina Bear’s Blog running. Thanks for your support!
10 Comments on Dating Military on Okinawa
Leave a Reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Great post! I don’t think it’s unpatriotic at all! If only more Americans weren’t blinded by the American flag and the pretty words that come with it… I can definitely relate to your words–I dated two military men in the US before coming on JET, and they were really unhealthy relationships. I’m also from a military family, so I know what they do and how the distance apart and the loneliness tear families apart. But yeah, whenever I meet military people here in Okinawa, they always ask me, “So where are you stationed?” or “What unit are you in?” I don’t feel sympathy for the American military. It’s a volunteer military. No one forced them to join. Gina, you’re such a pretty and talented chic, so don’t waste your time on military men or dating websites. The right guy usually comes TO you when you least expect it.
A lot of us become blinded by those pretty words, the patriotism, the American flag. As an expat, I’m more patriotic than ever. My military relationship in the states was also quite unhealthy and I spent awhile after our break up finding myself again.
I also agree it’s pretty annoying to here “Where are you stationed?” “What unit are you in?” I feel a rift even more when I hear things like that.
Thanks, J, I appreciate the kind words! <3 Take care.
I really enjoyed your post, and I can see why you have the view you do. As a guy in the Navy, relationships have been difficult due to a multitude of reasons. Expiration date, distance, etc. But all that will change when you meet the right one, so keep your head up! I know I am! I have many many friends and coworkers in the Navy and Air Force who are happily married with children. It’s not impossible, but the ones who marry young don’t seem to last long. Hope you find what you’ve been looking for!
Jared, thanks for the positive outlook! I’m so happy to be cheered on! Perhaps soon, I’ll find a great guy! I hope you find a great guy too!
Wow…where can I find more Jareds?
Alas, Jared was a diamond in the rough. I wish he would have spoken out because he would have made an amazing companion. Sometimes life has other plans for us. Rest assured, there are Jareds (few and far in between) in the military. 😉
First of all, this is definitely a great post. Ive been alive for 28 years and learned regardless of where you are, there will always be the complainers and those with a negative outlook on life. I just arrived here on Okinawa (since 4 Sep) and Im pretty surprised how many military folks I met think there isnt anything to do which is probably because they dont take the time to find it. As for the dating life here, Im still a huge fan of meeting someone somewhere and talking face to face. It seems technology is killing basic interaction these days, but that’s a topic for another day, lol.
Anyways, if all of you guys are still in the area and need an extra friend to do whatever with, Im your guy. While Im here, I plan to explore and know everything about the island plus travel to other places (Korea, Mainland Japan, Phillipines, Thailand, etc) either alone or with some cool, down to earth people ESPECIALLY when my motorcycle arrives!!! Feel free to text 080-6485-7956 (my name is really Tray). And no Im not some spam bot or anything crazy…and the initial meeting place will be KFC (because I like chicken) or that Tenkaiipen ramen place (because I like ramen). hahahaha
As for you, Gina, I enjoyed the post. I study psychology and started picking up on many of the things you mentioned. You will find your guy regardless if he’s military affiliated or not. Just don’t let a few bad apples spoil the apple sauce! (my grandma says that)
Tray,
Thank you for the time to make a thoughtful and insightful comment. I appreciate readers like you. I lived on Okinawa for 3 years and while I enjoyed my time there, I completed my tenure on the JET program this July. I now live in Korea. I left Japan because I did everything I needed/wanted to do and I decided to embark on a new adventure.
Also, I did meet a wonderful guy who happens to be Korean. Funny how these things tend to work out. Your grandma gives great advice by the way. If you ever find yourself in Korea don’t hesitate to contact me. 🙂 I’m pretty quick at responding to my blog email.
Hi Gina,
I Just want to say thank you! Your blog was incredibly consoling. i completely relate to your experience because i too dated many military guys while living in Korea. I identified with many of the issues that you raised and You highlighted something I’ve only now just come to realize, that maybe my military guy only valued me because he was lonely and was just acting a part until he was finally shipped out. This is often a harsh reality when dating military guys~and yes dating in Asia is so difficult because we don’t have many suitable options. Sometimes we have no choice but to suck~ it~ up and date the soldiers at the bottom of the barrel or else we just remain lonely dried up prunes.
I’m glad I could help you out, Danielle. Unfortunately, most of these guys are just looking for diversion. Many of them never wanted to leave the homeland and thus this gives them that kind of negative attitude. Also, some guys are just dicks. Dating in Asia is incredibly different because it’s so different than what we’re used to back home. Just thinking about all the rules in Japan and Korea give me a headache. Although, in my experience, Koreans are more direct. Dating can be fun and you never know if you will meet a really cool person that ends up being a valued friend. You should never settle for less and date because you’re lonely. You are worth more than a guy with a bad attitude! You are a person with many experiences and values and a lot of military guys don’t know what living on the outside of the base is. Just know you have a lot to bring to the table. 🙂