I received a request for this post and I thought it was a great topic. Thanks for commenting and following my blog, everyone! Your support means the world to me. There were a few times I wanted to quit, but I’m glad I didn’t This post is dedicated to how I made friends in Japan and Korea and where I met them. Each country is unique but making friends in both countries overlaps in some ways. These are the ways I made friends based on my own experiences. This may not be true for everyone, but nonetheless, maybe you can get inspiration on how to make friends in your host nation whether it be Japan or Korea.
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How To Make Friends in Japan
Join a Social Activity or Club
When I lived on Okinawa, I made friends with the old guys in my karate class, at my Cross Fit gym, and work. My roommate did a hula class where most people would socialize and not do very much practice. Since most Japanese spend the majority of their time at work, clubs are a great way to meet people and make friends.
Mutual Friends
I met the majority of my good Japanese friends through mutual friends. My friends would host potlucks or parties and invite their friends. I often met really cool people through mutual friends. It’s really hard to just approach random Japanese people so it’s better to have someone introduce you because then you’re accounted for.
Concerts
Okinawa boasts a large military presence and they often opened the base for civilians to come on and enjoy American food and music. I met local people at the concerts. Music is a great way to connect with people and start conversations.
I didn’t have many Japanese friends, but the ones I was close to were awesome. The Japanese friends I did have could speak English, had an open mind, or they lived/worked/studied abroad and could see the bigger picture of the world. I never had a Japanese friend who didn’t travel abroad. It just doesn’t work for me because I know the world is bigger than America, Japan or Korea.
I mostly had Japanese acquaintances. The Japanese have a society valuing harmony, politeness, and your best face forward. It’s hard to know their true feelings because they don’t want to lose that “face”. It takes awhile for them to trust you and before they shed their “face” and show you their true selves.
Some people say it’s harder to have true, meaningful relationships with the Japanese and I agree. It did get frustrating at times when the Japanese friends I would make would have surface conversations. Coming from a Mexitalian background where everyone is hugging, kissing, crying, or slapping the shit out of each other, it was difficult to be in Japan where no one really does any of the above.
I lived in Okinawa where the people were warmer and kinder, but I often didn’t see them hug or touch each other. It’s a cultural thing, but one that made me uncomfortable.
How To Make Friends in Korea
Here’s my disclaimer because I haven’t been here very long, but this is how I made/been making the majority of my friends. There’s so many amazing people I have yet to meet and Korea has been great for networking.
Interpals
I would say this is the number one way I made friends before coming to Korea. I did a language exchange and made wonderful friends through that website. Yes, you find some creeps, but you also find some cool people too.
Socializing
Some Koreans are super friendly and they will just talk with you. I made a Korean friend by going to a Korean alcohol tasting. It was awesome and she was so fun. Get together in big groups and you never know who you might meet. Find groups where people have similar interests.
Mutual Friends
Since I’m still kind of new to the Korean scene, I rely mostly on meeting the friends of the new friends I make. I’m friends with a lot of foreigners, but they are friends with people they met at language exchanges or club activities.
I made one of my good Korean friends in Okinawa, when I helped her out of a sticky situation. Since then, she has been a sweetheart! She’s helped and shown me around Korea. I find Korean people to be more straightforward with their emotions and feelings. They don’t always smile and you can tell what’s on their mind. I really appreciate that because then I know if someone likes me or doesn’t like me.
Let me reiterate by stating the Korean friends I do have are interested in other countries and cultures. They are open to the world and they can speak or understand English pretty well. For me, it’s difficult to be friends with someone who hasn’t been outside their own country.
Night Life in Japan
I lived in Okinawa, but I partied in Naha, Osaka, Hiroshima and Tokyo. This is what I have to say about the night life in Japan—it wasn’t my scene. While it’s all fun and games getting silly drinking your host nation’s traditional cup of death, I didn’t find the night life to be that entertaining, especially at Japanese establishments. I actually stopped going out in Okinawa because I was tired of getting groped by drunk Japanese AND military men in the clubs. Yes, they would get a punch in head, but I hated having to be on my guard ALL the time.
In Japan, it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman, you have to pay to get in the club. You receive 1-5 drink tickets depending on the club, which sucks if you’re already toasted from the bar and want to cool your jets dancing.
In Okinawa, I would often find people just sitting at their booths drinking and trying to talk over really loud music. If anyone started the dance party, it was always my foreign friends and I. I went to a lot of foreigner bars and clubs because I like jumping around and dancing. To me, that is a club/bar scene. The night life was fun in Japan, but organized, tame fun, if that makes sense.
Night Life in Korea
The guys in the clubs are grabby, but I never had anyone grab me below the waist in inappropriate places. No means no and Korean men leave you alone after that. I’ve never had anyone try and get weird with me.
If you party in Korea, you’re gonna do it all night long. Koreans start their night at barbecue drinking soju. They move onto the next “party” which is a bar, then to the club, and karaoke to end the night. It’s super cheap to drink in Korea. A bottle of decent soju or makgeolli costs abou $2. Yes, please. I never have to pay to get into clubs which gives me the freedom to leave and go to another place I choose. A freedom I did not have in Japan.
In Seoul, the clubs are bumpin, the music is good and people are dancing on the speakers. Girl, gimmie some space on that speaker because I’m about to join you.
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19 Comments on Making Friends in Japan versus Korea
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Thanks again for the post!
I really relate to your experience in Japan. Most Japanese people keep their emotions hidden, and it can be hard to tell if they like you or not. Perhaps in the future you could do an update on Korea after you’ve lived there longer 🙂
I was happy to write about it! Sometimes I get a bit sad when I think about me liking some people but wondering if they secretly hated me. Thank you so much for requesting this post! I’d be more than happy to do an update about Korea later!
I love reading other people’s perspectives! We only visited Japan but we felt like the locals were super friendly and were lucky to have a few befriend us the first day during our visit. What I found refreshing about the few Japanese people we met was they weren’t drilling me about my religion. 80% of the Koreans that I meet are trying to recruit me to their church 🙁 or make me feel bad for living with my boyfriend before marriage! Obviously we only have a small sample of people to compare to in Japan but I love both cultures for different reasons. We love reading these posts because we have considered doing the JET program! We will continue to follow to learn more from your experiences! Thanks for sharing!
Megan, I really love your posts on your blog. The photography is amazing and I especially loved the day trip you took to Seoraksan. I love to hike so I’m looking forward to seeing that place for myself! I just wanted to let you know, be careful of putting too many expectations on Japan. It’s a wonderful place to visit, but living there is a different story. Most Japanese are non-religious, but they are judgemental in different ways. Also, Japanese don’t move in with each other until they are married. I discussed in a previous post they are notorious for cheating because they want to remain humble and not brag about their significant other like Westerners do. Since they don’t talk about it, it makes it very easy for them to have extra-relational and extra-marital relations. That was one thing that really upset me while I was dating in Japan and one of the reasons I decided Japan wasn’t the place for me. Of course, Japan is a beautiful country and the friends I did make in Japan were ones that had previously been abroad. So far, I haven’t met any Koreans trying to recruit me and the friends I’ve made here are awesome. I hope I can continue to write interesting things!
Thanks Gina! Good to know! We only got to visit a small area for a short period of time, so it’s good to have some realistic life experience from someone who lived there. I had no idea, that would bum me out too, but better to know that going into it! I had a friend who taught in Japan right after Korea, and she also said just like Korea after you get to live in a foreign place for awhile there will be cultural things that bother you. Haha and it’s good to know we will be judged for living together there too! I appreciate you taking the time to give me more information! I will have to check out all of your blog posts on Japan before we make the decision to live there.
I think a great YouTube channel with a lot of insight into Japanese culture would be Rachel and Jun. They are an AMWF couple and she knows Japanese culture pretty well. Some things in Japan bothered me culturally as well. While I did like living there, I will most likely never return to Japan.
This post is very helpful since I just moved to Japan from Korea. I spent the last year and half in Daegu, and while I enjoyed my time in Korea, I definitely enjoy Japan. I plan on posting something similar to this and I am already finding cultural differences between the two countries. Hope you enjoy your time in Korea.
Charisse, while I did enjoy my time in Japan, I think Korea is much more foreigner friendly. I hope to read about what the differences are in your eyes since you lived in Korea longer. Good luck in Japan and I’m looking forward to your adventures!
Thanks so much for sharing this. I plan to move from Korea to Japan next year so all this information that you’ve been sharing lately has been very helpful.
Since living in Korea for years I’ve found that they often put on a “face” often of politeness. Making it difficult to know what they’re thinking. Nonetheless, I’ve built some great relationships here (korea) and I hope to do the same when I move next year.
Nadine, the Japanese are exactly the same. They put on a face of politeness as well and you will most likely never know if they like you or not. What I do know, is they are very passive-aggressive and they will talk mad shit behind your back. 😛 The grass isn’t always greener, my dear. I find Korea and Japan are quite similar in a lot of ways.
Thanks for sharing such a lengthy, detailed post regarding the differences and similarities between both countries. I haven’t been to Japan for long enough to become fully immersed in the culture, so it was interesting to read the perspective of an expat who has. I sometimes find it difficult to connect with Koreans as well. Although they are super kind and friendly, many of them aren’t very open minded. However, the ones I do have also have traveled outside of the country, which certainly makes a massive difference.
I dream of visiting Okinawa, so it’s awesome that you lived there! Thanks for sharing and I hope to read more about your experiences here in Korea!
That is an expressive and useful tips on making friends in Korea and especially Japan, because I have never been there before. I love the decorum in greetings from both countries, tracing back to their historical make up. However, it is still relatively not mundane to make friends with random people in Korea. Personally, one of the ways I made friends in Korea was through Volunteering and attending workshops and other social activities. A very informative post, thanks for sharing.
I love how easy it is to make friends here in Korea! I’m having a much easier time here than I did in Japan. I love being introduced to new people and it’s easy to bond over social activities!
Thanks for sharing this post! I actually did my MA dissertation about expat life and one of the recurring themes was ‘making friends’ whilst living abroad. This really took me back to the discussions I had with my focus group participants! I’m really glad to see that you are enjoying your time here and that you like the night life better (hehehe)!
Lindsay, how interesting! I was wondering what other things did you discover while making friends abroad as an expat! It’s an interesting topic I would definitely read about on your blog.
I’ve only been to Tokyo for a 4-day vacation so your post is great since I really have not much idea about making friends in Japan. Korea has been good to me and my family but the social scene, especially the night life, is something I only hear from my husband:-)… It’s alcohol-overload. I have gained friends through the playground (Moms like me) and the Moms are a supportive bunch. I find most Koreans quite helpful. I noticed though that since I cannot understand the nuances of their words, I don’t make any issues the way other Moms do. It’s kinda funny!
Wendy, I think Korea is great for raising a family too! I think it’s not so great with the alcohol-overload because they drink a lot for cheap! Lol. I’m glad you get along so great with other moms! It’s a great way to make friends here!
Hey interesting read! I’ve lived in Korea for almost 4 years and I’ve traveled a few times to Japan so it was good to read about some of their differences. I do know people from both countries but having never lived in Japan it”s hard to judge. I do think the Japanese are generally more polite and respectful of the law lol, especially while driving and walking outside.
Jason, I can definitely agree with you there! I think the Japanese definitely respect the law more especially while driving. While in Japan, I would most likely never worry about having to get hit by a car. In Korea, I better watch where I’m going! Interesting observation.