Korean Boyfriends and Dating in Korea 101

If you’re looking for your Korean Mr. Right, you’ve come to the right place. This blog post is going to deep dive into dating in Korea. If you’re wondering about the very really dating experience, I have lots of knowledge to share from my own Korean boyfriends and experiences from friends. Some Korean guys I met are more open-minded and have studied abroad making them more understanding.

Here’s your crash course 101 before you go into this guide: dating rules vary from country to country. What works in your home country may not work its charm in a foreign land. Koreans can be intimidated by English and shy away from girls that know none of their native language or culture. There are also fellas who are interested in dating foreigners and others who are only interested in dating Korean women. Men all over the world have different tastes and you should accept dating is going to be a miss and hit.

To compose this guide, I spoke with Korean guys and friends who have Korean boyfriends and husbands. I asked them a lot of questions to help give you the best advice for dating in Korea. This guide is to help girls find a good guy (or just get laid if that’s your jam.)

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Questions You NEED To Ask Yourself

1. Do you speak Korean?
2. Are you trying to speak Korean?
3. Are you actively trying to learn Korean?
4. Are you interested in Korean culture (not just Hallyu) and do you show it?
5. Do you stay at home wishing and praying you’ll meet Mr. Right?

If you are interested in learning Korean, I highly recommend 90 Day Korean. This is a program built to help you have a three minute conversation with a native speaker once you complete the program in 90 days. You can also start by learning Hangul by downloading this free Hangul cheat sheet here.

Stereotypes About Foreign Women

Stereotypes are something every foreign woman should be aware of before dating in Korea. You have to know how you’re viewed from the other side. I asked this particular question to Korean guys and got a bunch of different answers. As I said before not all Korean guys are the same. People are people and have different opinions.

• More open-minded about relationships and sex.
• Very expressive about their emotions, opinions, and thoughts.
• Very independent.
• Taller and curvier than Korean girls.
• Immediate thoughts of foreign women usually are blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin and tall.
• They are not interested in making Korean friends or having a Korean boyfriend.
• They will leave him behind for their country someday.

Stereotypes About Korean Men

Korean men aren’t always what you see in the dramas. However, I would like to point out their pronunciation is on point so it’s easy to catch their conversations. When I was first learning Korean, I would study my vocabulary and listen for it in the dramas. It’s a great Korean learning tool. Korean guys are normal guys just like any guy in the world. Some stereotypes include:

• They have small penises.
• They’re very handsome and dress to impress.
• He’s a nerd wearing Harry Potter type glasses, thin, squirely, and short.
• Korean men are abusive and hit their girlfriends and wives.

What to Watch Out For While Dating In Korea

Some Korean men have a fascination with white foreigners… And what I actually mean by that is a fetish. This can be very dangerous and something you need to be aware of. There is a sex culture of wanting to sleep with a foreigner, especially if they don’t look Asian and even more if they’re white. Many Koreans want to experience something different. It’s not so much about a winning personality as it is about looks. The whiter your skin, the more desirable you are. The obsession of white skin is real.

You also need to watch out for if he just wants someone to teach him English. Sometimes Korean men want that green card to further their career, job opportunities, aspects in life, etc.

You have to ask yourself very quickly, does he want to sleep with you? Two very common Korean pick up lines are, “Do you want to go to a DVD room?” or “Do you want to eat ramen?” Newsflash, they are not really asking you to watch a movie or eat ramen. 😉 Like anywhere in the world, if a Korean guy you just met asks you immediately if you have a boyfriend or if you’ve ever had sex with a Korean man, cut him off if that’s not what you’re looking for.

How to Get Korean Guys to Make the First Move

You can get him to make the first move by making eye contact, smiling, or saying hello first. (But isn’t that the same all over the world?) This gives the fella the confidence to go for it and lets him know you’re interested.

If he’s eyeing and smiling back at you, that’s a good sign! But maybe he’s not making the first move because of actual (or imagined) cultural and language barriers. Many Korean guys believe foreign girls don’t know anything about Korean culture—or speak Korean. If you speak basic Korean, your chances of keeping his attention are very high.

If you’re out in public, at a bar, club, etc., usually Korean guys in groups will have more confidence. Most of the time you won’t have to worry about them doing anything slick because they won’t want to make an ass out of themselves in front of their friends.

Many Korean men fear approaching a group of foreign women. (But let’s be honest, what guy nowadays doesn’t have this anxiety?) I find this correlation in Western culture as well. Think about it, if it’s hard for a guy of your own culture to approach a group of women, how is a guy who isn’t confident in his English going to? Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he might feel. Make yourself available by showing positive body language and smiling. Or motion to him to come join you!

Where to Meet Korean Fellas

Language Exchange Groups

One of the most popular places to meet guys. These guys are usually open to other ideas, people and cultures. I have a few friends who met their boyfriends by attending those groups. Meet up groups are also very popular. You can type in your interests and find people with similar interests.

Getting Out There

Again, going with the advice of getting out there, some girls have been hit on by going to restaurants they like and got hit on by waiters! Myeongdong is crowded with people shoulder to shoulder. Find a nice cafe (they’re literally everywhere in Korea) and see what happens! It’s not about who you’re paying attention to, but who’s paying attention to you. If you meet someone face to face, you most likely know they’re being sincere. I know this is something some of you may not want to hear, but it’s true. If you sit at home all day, you’re never going to meet anyone, let alone a boy.

Online

Sites like Interpals and popular apps in Korea include: Hello Talk, 1km, OkCupid, and Tinder. Now a days, online dating is becoming less of a stigma than it used to be. Exercise caution when doing so because some people may say, “Let’s do a language exchange” but they really want sex. You have to be strict in what you’re looking for and state your needs right away. I’m told from the grapevine 1km is the number one hook up app in Korea

Mutual Friends or Korean Girlfriends

Another popular way to meet fellas is to have your friends set you up on a blind date. Koreans don’t normally approach people they don’t know but a friend of a friend is not a stranger and easily vouched for. Most times in groups, my friends have met their Korean boyfriend or future husband. Having your Korean girlfriends set you up is the number one best way to find a boyfriend. A lot more Koreans prefer this way because it’s safer and you can also meet men also looking for a relationship.

Meeting 미팅

A meeting is a group blind date. This is where two friends (typically a guy and girl) bring a similar number of friends to hang out and chat with one another. People who hit it off will exchange numbers. It’s also useful to have Korean girlfriends for this.

Church, Work, or School

If you’re religious, try going to a bilingual church. It’s a good setting to grow your faith and meet a boy. If you’re a student doing projects or studying together is a great excuse to invite a Korean guy out. I have a beautiful Brazilian friend who ended up marrying her professor. Anything can happen in social places like these.

After Going Out All Night

After a fun night out at Hongdae’s well-hidden hip hop bars and clubs, the morning streets are a great way to meet young, cute, and carefree Korean guys. They will most likely ask you to get breakfast— be it beer or bossam or beer and ddeokbokki. Take this as a chance to make a great friendship which is the basis for any good relationship.

In Your Home Country

Many girls have met their Korean prince charming in another country. You’ll most likely find a lot of educated, open-minded international students on your campus.

Where to go if you want Korean guys to pick you up

If you’re confident in your Korean ability, go to Korean style bars and clubs, but if you’re not, you’ll usually find Koreans great at English in Western bars and clubs. The first time I came to Korea I had no problem in Hongdae with guys who speak English who hit on my friends and I at the club. If you’re younger into the party scene go to popular college areas like Sinchon, Mapo and Hapjong. If you’re in your late twenties and early thirties go to the more classy areas like Gangnam, Jongno, and Yongdongpo.

Bars and Hofs are also a great place to meet guys if you want a quieter place to talk. If you’re meeting Korean boys in this atmosphere you’re generally going to find guys who want a one night stand with the “exotic.” In most cases these guys aren’t looking for a relationship but just fun.

Another tactic would be to wing woman it out. Send one of your friends to hit on their friends and see if they can bring the two groups together.

Some fellas will make their intentions very clear immediately or by the end of the night. In an example of a typical “hunting,” one guy will talk to a group of women and see if they want to join their group. If the women consent, the groups will drink together, maybe pair off and talk of love motels will surface.

Korean Couple Culture

So now you’re dating! Congratulations on finding a good man who is not a complete dick head. (But ladies, let’s be real. Finding a good man in any country or culture is a very difficult feat.) There’s some things you should be aware of while dating in Korea and Korean couple culture is very unique.

Between App

One of the cutest and most obnoxious parts of Korean culture is the super adorable Between app. It is a special messaging app you can use for you and your partner. It requires the couple to verify both their phone numbers in order to be connected. On it, you can set anniversary, birthday, couple holiday, and important date reminders. You can even get your own special stickers to use while messaging on the app.

Message ALL The TIME

When you first get someone’s contact information, you should make sure to message them all the time no matter how busy you are. This is a stark contrast to American dating culture where you play the stupid, “I’m so busy when I’m actually not” game. If you don’t message back a lot, this shows the person you aren’t all that interested and they will move on from you just as quickly.

Korean Couple Outfits

When I was with my ex-Korean boyfriend, we were definitely into the idea of couple Converse and couple t-shirts. Of course, ours were very vulgar with a bunch of rude words on them. His read, “I’m with the bitch.” And mine read, “I’m with dickhead.” We meshed very well on the vulgar sense of humor. In any case, since a lot of Korean couples don’t live together until they are married, a lot of them like to dress the same from head to toe. Coordinating outfits is a public expression of, “This is MINE.”

Couples do this all over Korea (including older couples). But you’ll really see Korean couples go to town at amusement parks such as Lotte World or Everland.

Korean Couple Rings

Because Koreans jump in and out of relationships so fast, it truly is a remarkable feat to make it to 100 days of dating. If you are so lucky with you boo, the topic of getting a couple ring usually comes up. You can make your own couple ring or you can go shopping outside of Jogno Sam-ga Station for the latest, trendiest, and decently priced rings. If you’re curious to know more about Korean couple rings, click here.

Korean Couple Holidays

One of the things I find most entertaining about dating in Korea is that there are couple holidays every month. Which means you can celebrate your love all year long.

• January 14 – Diary Day is holiday is to exchange schedulers with loved ones and friends to record important dates such as birthdays, and anniversaries.
• February 14 – Valentine’s Day in South Korea is celebrated by women giving men chocolate.
• March 14 – White Day is when men return the favor by giving white foods or jewelry.
• April 14 – Black Day is for all the singles and you eat jajangmyun (Chinese black noodles).
• May 14 – Rose Day is where you exchange roses or something yellow as a token of affection.
• June 14 – Kiss Day in Korea is pretty self-explanatory.
• July 14 – Silver Day is where couples exchange something silver like rings or jewelry. This would be a good time to talk couple rings.
• August 14 – Green Day is pretty much another excuse to get sloshed off soju. Cheers!
• September 14 – Photo Day is when professional studios in Korea get booked up.
• October 14 – Wine Day is a wonderful excuse to get a delicious bottle of wine and drink it together.
• November 11 – Peppero Day is a holiday to give the chocolate coated thin bread sticks to a lover. I
• November 14 – Movie Day is when you’ll find couples packing cinemas to catch a flick together.
• December 14 – Hug Day is where you get cozy with your boo bear.
• December 25 – Christmas in Korea is considered the most romantic couple holiday of all.

100 Days of Dating in Korea

If all those couple holidays weren’t enough to make your head spin, wait until you hear about the 100/200/300 days of dating rules in Korea. The 100 days of dating in Korea coincides with their first milestone as Koreans and that would be the 100 days party after birth. Back in ancient times, it was a milestone the child didn’t die, but now it’s a tradition deeply embedded into Korean culture. For 100 days of dating in Korea, it represents the couple has gone through the hurdles of first dating and made it that far.

Typically when celebrating 100 days of dating, the couple would have a bit of cake and some wine. They might even exchange small gifts or flowers. Bonus points if you make a gift that comes from the heart.

Who foots the bill?

Since Korea is still a very patriarchal society men are the ones who usually get the bill. They will pay for bigger things like dinner and the movie, while the woman is allowed to pay for snacks and drinks.

In my opinion NEVER EVER go dutch on the first date. Sadly a lot of men see time and money as investing a lot in a woman and they’ll be likely to stick around after that. Hate me for my opinion, but this is what I have noticed in my own dating experiences in Korea.

Do note that the longer you date, who pays for what should slowly be evening out. After all, dating is a partnership.

Is PDA okay in public?

I have seen couples in Seoul getting more and more bold in the recent years. I’ve seen Korean couples make out in public and be all over each other. While people are too shy to confront a Korean couple, you’ll best believe some nasty ajhumma or ajhussi is gonna say some nasty shit to you. (Especially if you’re an interracial couple.) Generally speaking, holding hands and having your arms around each other in public is okay. Save the “steamier” stuff for the bedroom.

In the Bedroom

How you get freaky and what you do behind closed doors is your business. To keep the monetization on my blog, I will no be going into detail on some bedroom vocabulary in Korean. I will; however recommend Making Out in Korean. It’s dead useful and one of my favorite books to date. (These days, I often consult it for insults and swears, but the dirty section was interesting.) There are a few chapters dedicated to dirty talk, love languages and how to break up in Korean.

Overall Advice and Tips for Women from Women

The best way to date is to get yourself out there. Not “hunting” for Korean men, but meeting as many people as you possibly can. He may or may not be Korean. You never know who you’ll meet or if he’ll be your forever after.

Be aware unless his parents are open-minded or the relationship is very serious, there are still a lot of families who don’t want their sons or daughters marrying foreigners. My friend Lisa was in a situation where her boyfriend’s parents had no idea she existed. If you know his parents aren’t open to foreigners, don’t get too attached immediately because it will most likely end in heartbreak.

In Conclusion…

Be yourself. Don’t try to pretend to be the cool foreigner because it encourages the stereotypes. Don’t think you have to dress in mini skirts and baggy tops because that’s the Korean style. You don’t. I wear combat boots, leather jackets, tight shirts, and ripped jeans.

Korea has a very different culture from many Western countries. He may have a good job, but that means he’s most likely not working from 9-5. Sometimes he will work until 8-10PM weekdays and weekends. You may have to be accommodating with his schedule to spend time together.

Other women say don’t date students because they’re broke and can’t take you on dates either. Most college age students are big on partying anyway.

Don’t think because you don’t have white skin, you’ll never find a Korean boyfriend. This isn’t true. I’m ethnically half Latina and I had a Korean boyfriend. I have foreign friends who are also Asian and Black and have fantastic boos. Don’t listen to the white skin is king stereotypes. Korean men also have different flavors of women they dig.

Living in the Korea can or won’t hinder your ability to date. Just remember, you are dating someone from a different culture. Both of you  have to open with your communication and trying new things. You can’t use masked communication or it won’t work.

My blessings to you for dating in Korea and I sincerely hope you find a nice man!

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