I’m just gonna come out and say it. I’m an attractive foreigner in Korea. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and this beholder just happens to like the girl who stares back in the mirror much more than she did when she lived in Okinawa.
When I lived in Japan, I experienced a self-esteem plummet. Like, a legit rocket down a thorny, rocky mountain into a deep, dark pool of self-pity swamp. I was culturally fatigued. I thought Japanese men were sexy, but my dates with them sucked. Dating military on Okinawa was another story I won’t go into detail with. I didn’t fit the bill of beautiful foreigner by Japan standards. I don’t posses blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin, and I’m not skinny. I hated myself, and subsequently gained a bunch of weight as a result. When you fall down the rabbit hole to shitville, you learn a thing or two about what you can and can’t take.
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I can’t stand when people comment on the color of my skin, and I hate it when people talk about what an “enormous” foreigner I am. I used to think, “Well, shit, am I really big?” No, not really, Asian people are just small. I’m pretty normal sized in my own country… But unfortunately, I wasn’t in my own country. Big knockers and cleavage aren’t a thing in Asian countries; however, wearing your skank shorts as short as they go is a green light.
I like being beautiful in Korea. Foreigners are harping how the standard is the Kpop standard and if you can’t cut it, get plastic surgery or forever be doomed to face your fugly life of sadness. I don’t think so. There’s plenty of successful people who aren’t hot but are only hot because they’re successful. Think about it. I love red heads, but Ed Sheeran just doesn’t do it for me. Is he hot to some because he’s a talented singer, song writer, and guitar wielding ginger? Most likely. But to me, he’s just an average Joe with a fantastic talent.
Self-esteem is a delicate thing and I think I might be doing better than I have in a long time…
Random Compliments
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten a compliment here in South Korea. I never heard compliments in Japan unless it was to remark “how huge” I am compared to a Japanese woman. (This happened to me on more than one occasion when the doctor asked me if I even exercised.) That hurt my feelings and left me with the whale face on more than one occasion. Dis ma whale face -___-. You like my whale face?
I love it when Koreans tell me my eyes are big because they’re really not. I would never hear that in America. I like being told I have a small face. I know it’s beautiful here and at least I’m up to par on small face beauty standards. Yay Gina! Some expat women are super into “I’m a feminist and it’s patronizing if you call me cute.” Whatever, girlfriend. After getting my ego knocked down in Japan, this is a welcome change.
No Comments on My Skin Color
This is the best part of living here. No one has said shit to me even once. I know my skin is dark. The skin care attendants at Korean makeup stores do too. They don’t mention my skin color or bother me with skin whitening creams. I ask for what I want, it’s given to me and that’s that. It’s amazing. No one gives me their two cents about how I should wear more sunscreen or cover up.
Curly Hair is Okay!
I’ve noticed lots of Korean women getting perms just to have curly hair like mine. While straight hair is still the mainstream, curly hair is also socially accepted. Many of my co-workers seem to love my natural curly hair and tell me it’s very cute. I used to dodge my students in Japan who wanted to touch my hair and figure out if it was a perm. (Not that it was a bad thing, but keep your hands to yourself, kiddos! I spend a lot of time on my hair and I don’t need greasy fingers in it!) In addition to no longer being attacked by humidity, my curly hair can have the natural curls without turning into a frizzball.
Clear Skin
Not having good skin is actually an ENORMOUS damper on your self-esteem. In America, I had good skin (even in the summer) and never experienced acne on my cheeks, jaw line and neck. When I moved to Japan, I never wore makeup and was still experiencing mass breakouts. I felt fugly because my skin was no longer beautiful and clear. I couldn’t fight it no matter how hard I tried.
Fortunately, Korea has many different kinds of skin care treatments that actually achieve results. America needs to get on the Korean skin care wave because it’s so good. You wanna put placenta on your face? The Koreans have got you covered promising soft, supple, and firm skin. My skin has cleared up so well here. I’m literally glowing. I no longer experience cystic acne because of the products and diet change. Thank you, Korea!
People are More Open Minded
Of course you’re gonna find the shitstick who hates everything and everyone, especially foreigners, but Koreans have been nothing but nice to me. I always smile to the security guards in my building and they look out for me. Where I live, foreigners aren’t this unicorn meant to be oogled. I feel like I’m treated as a person and people aren’t so scared to meet me halfway in English if I don’t get it. I also noticed no one is acting like speaking any Korean is an accomplishment. They talk to me normally, give me what I want and all parties are happy at the end of the day.
My students know about the world. They know who sings the English songs, they know Chicago’s location and they even know who Michael Jordan is. Bless my kiddos in Japan, but they didn’t have a clue who Michael Jordan was. My students actively watch American dramas and are influenced by trends and cultures worldwide.
People in Korea seem to be accepting that I am different and a foreigner and I don’t experience anyone consciously or subconsciously trying to change me into the “foreigner mold.” Goodness, there is one, but it could be I’m getting older or I just don’t give a fuck anymore. In any case, I felt so ugly in Japan, I was actually kinda depressed. When I moved to Korea, the same rocket I took down helped me go back up. I was no longer in a self-pity swamp. I lost weight because Korean food suits my palette perfectly. I no longer hear comments on how “huge” I am because Koreans are very normal sized people. In fact, a lot of my students are even taller than me! Japanese are just small and maybe living on an island with very bland food will make you little. I may not look Asian, but my beauty is definitely appreciated here. Thanks, Korea!
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26 Comments on I’m Beautiful in Korea
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Girl! You are efffing BEAUTIFUL no matter where you are!!! Don’t you forget that! So glad to hear that Korea is a complete 180 from your Japan experience. Its so true that the way you feel (about yourself) really does affect the success or failure of any endeavor. I’m sorry that you were so low in Japan but now Korea is presenting you so much more good and you seem incredibly appreciative of all of it — I just hope this happiness is permanent 🙂
Good that you are having a good time and great self-esteem here in Korea. Hope it continues wherever you go. Cheers!
Glad you’re so much happier in Korea!
You’re so inspiring Gina!! I just discovered your blog today and have started following you on Instagram. You’re beautiful and make me think I need to have more confidence myself.
I would love to hear about your skin care routine! I have been using Korean skin care since I visited South Korea and I love it, but I feel it could be perfected more than it is now.
Hi Stacy! I’m really glad to hear about that! It’s humbling to inspire others and I will continue to do my best! I’m blushing, really! You can build confidence over time. (Trust me, I lost my confidence in Japan and gained it back while in Korea). I would love to make a video about my skin care routine for everyone to see! I’m on YouTube @ginabearstravels if you want to see Korea related videos. 🙂
Girl, you are gorgeous! I totally relate with the beauty perception of others when in another country. I moved Ron australia from Malaysia 6 years ago and…. well, it feels strange to be called tiny (I’m average height back home) and receive “harmless” remarks regarding anything about me.
That’s always strange, right? I always get told I have a small face (which is a compliment here) but I think it’s strange because my face isn’t small at all! Lol. I also tower over most Korean girls!
You are beautiful! 🙂 Good the people around give such wonderful compliments. Who doesn’t like being appreciated.
I cannot believe people would be so damn rude in Japan! So glad it turned around for you in Korea. I really need to get some of those fab Brough products!
I’m sorry you went through that in Japan! I know there’s a lot of pressure there. I’m glad it’s much different in Korea.
We haven’t been to Japan or Korea either but it was surprising or rather shocking to learn of how Japanese treat people on basis of Skin color. We have always appreciated an atmosphere where people believe ‘Live and Let Live’. Happy to know that Korea treated you well and it makes you happy
I just HAD to read this post after I saw the title!! I’m a ‘big’ girl too who feels like a giant next to most Asians – and it’s SO depressing not to be able to find clothes that fit because everyone’s so small except me! But you look awesome in those fantastic national outfits (I’m guessing) so it’s no wonder they love your look in Korea!
I feel you! I know it shouldn’t make a difference and I try not to let it, but one of the reasons I’m more comfortable hanging out with international colleagues and travellers, is because there is a near-zero likelihood of being insinuated (or point blank told) that I’m not beautiful because I’m not lily white. In fact, people like my tan skin. Which is probably not great for their own women, but I can appreciate the respite and validation it gives me. I don’t know if it makes me feel beautiful, but at least it makes me feel not-ugly.
I can accept East Asians thinking white = beauty but there’s some sick psycho shit going on for it to be an obsession with Southeast Asians IMHO.
Omg! This just touch my heart. I expirence the same thing, not Korea but here in America. Sometimes i felt so discouraged. It’s like someone saying my heart out loud.
Omg! This just touch my heart. I expirence the same thing, not Korea but here in America. Sometimes i felt so discouraged. It’s like someone saying my heart out loud.
I am reading this about almost a year after and it s just so weird that you were ever considered ugly. Girl, you are gloooowing! 😀
OMG! This post just speaks to me on so many levels. I have dark skin too and have an eternal acne problem. I get these stares and unsolicited looks everywhere… I would definitely be wanting to explore Korea now!
I’ve gotta say, thanks for this article. Am holidaying in Korea right now and I’ve had people stare at me pretty regularly, and at least three people have snuck a photo of me in the street/subway (first raised and confirmed by friends I am with so not me being paranoid)! At first I thought it was because I was big, ugly and whale-esque but one of the guys who snuck a photo last night came closer to me on the platform and tried to strike up a conversation being obviously nervous. After reading this post and your words I am resolved to believe its because of my Korean beauty standard aligned features of paleness, lightish hair, high nose bridge, big eyes and thick eyebrows. I walked in thinking I was hideous and standing out in a bad way, but I’m leaving feeling handsome and appreciated instead. Thank you so much!
Hahaha. I’m glad to hear that you’re also beautiful in Korea. The beauty standards are strange here, but I like them. Compared to Japan, no one is telling me my skin is too dark!
Wow, I can relate. I grew up in America where the majority of men seem to find me very attractive. I’m tall, muscular and curvy. I currently live in New Zealand where they haven’t gotten on the American “trend ” of a thicker woman. Most of them like more petite or skinny woman. Plus, they’re horrible at complimenting in general. Every time I go to America I am excited for a self esteem boost. On the contrary, I have to constantly remind myself that I am attractive even if no one tells me anymore.
That’s so crazy to learn about New Zealand. I really do miss America and I go back for a confidence boost every 3 or so years. Every country has their own standard of beauty so it doesn’t surprise me that Kiwis and Koreans don’t find women like us attractive and if they do, they have a weird fetish. It’s really good to love yourself and love the reflection you see in the mirror as well.
Wow, I cannot believe the commentary you recieved in Japan. I’m quite surprised that you’re Korean experience is better as I have heard that they are the most image-obsessed country of all.
Have you been to China? I have lived here for just over a year and many desire the pale skin, V-shape jawline, tall nose and skinny body. However, as a foreigner, I feel like there is not so much pressure to conform to their body standards as such. Although I’ve been referred to as plump, they tend to appreciate that we typically have a bigger build, yet there have been occasions where I’ve walked into a clothes shop and been told “mei you” by the shop assistants as they don’t have my size.
Koreans tend to appreciate things that are pretty. The first thing they will look at is your face and eyes. I always get told I have big eyes (I really don’t) and I have a small face. My Korean friends always seem to want to stand behind me so their faces look “small.” I get it, but it’s still super weird. Even though I’m plus size in America as well, I don’t really shop at stores here. If I do shop, I’m usually going to Western stores like H&M, Zara, American Eagle, and Hollister. lol. What is life? I feel like I’m in high school but they tend to carry the sizes that fit me. Surprisingly, these stores also have some pretty great things sometimes. I’ve never been told they don’t have my size because I don’t shop at Korean stores. I don’t like Korean fashion anyway and I choose to wear what looks best on my body type. If they call me fat, I really don’t care. 😛 They can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. People who like you for you won’t care about your size. 😉
I am sorry that you went through what you did in Japan. You are pretty and I am glad that you are feeling pretty now, too.
I am surprised, though, at your experiences in Korea. We live in Asan and work in Pyeongtaak and the theatrical amazement at our ability to speak even the most basic Korean is quite annoying. I am larger breasted but make SURE to never show cleavage and I dress conservatively, yet glaring (women), ogling (men) and staring (both) seem to be part and parcel of my life here. As other commenters have mentioned, I enjoy both the positive attention and lack of negative attention when I go back to the States.
I have learned to remind myself that I am beautiful and not whatever negative sexual thing they are thinking. I hope that wherever you go, you will also be able to remind yourself of your own beauty!
Totally. When old men follow me and oogle me, my new routine has been to swear at them profusely and shame them for being dirty old men. It actually has worked quite well in my favor. No one likes public humiliation or shame. But the older I get, the more I realize that I am beautiful no matter what and I’m very happy in my body and skin now. Looking forward to going back to the States and being a normal human again. Lol
I felt less guilty for hating Korea after reading your post, I guess it’s alright, some people DO like this experience and it’s ok if it’s not for me. I’ve lived in Japan before my (korean) boyfriend convinced me to try living in Korea (cause he wasn’t handling Japan well), and dumb and in love, I did. And oh boy, did I have the exact opposite experience from you. Although I was never told “constantly” I was beautiful in neither country (thank god, I now found that to be creepy and actually rather xenophobic— they like the fact you’re a foreigner, most can’t really tell the difference between different black or white people), Koreans were the only ones who bothered to talk about my appearance or my weight without being asked for. It is just so rude I could never get used to it. I got 40 pounds, high cholesterol and gall bladder stones, after only 2 years living in korea feeling stressed, constantly pressured and judged for no reason and also being forced to eat pig on everything (never did I eat pig before, only in japan with tonkatsu but that wasn’t my favorite). I was told off by a doctor when I broke my nose in a traffic accident (seriously I hate cars and this country has too many of them) because he “didn’t know how to fix a foreigner nose as big as mine”. They be all day looking like ET with the amount of surgeries they do but of course my nose is “big” haha. I missed Japan so bad all the time in Korea. For one, people didn’t stare at me. If they did and met my eyes looking back at them, they would feel ashamed and stop; Koreans start a staring contest. People in Japan often talked about how “cool” and “strong” I was. Maybe my experience was warped because I got asked a lot if I was a “haafu”; and there came the talks about appearance, how they thought I had a “pretty face” (because you thought it was mixed with Japanese? haha figures). I figure now most of the problems I encountered in Japan stemmed from people looking down on me thinking I was half-japanese, and therefore, “not japanese enough, but trying”. I wasn’t trying and I am not half japanese, idk why I got that question every so often. Other than that, nobody dared comment on my appearance, and all the girls wanted to be friends with me, the men were scared of me. I liked being “big” in Japan. People wouldn’t believe I was just 5’5. It’s fetish, and problematic, but they do actually like big bottoms and big boobs there; the only problem is that they do look down on women who have them. But who cares? I was strong and BIG! In Korea I’m just “fat” and “fat” here means “ugly” (thank you Korean feminists for trying to change this, despite all being liberal and transphobic they are right about this). I was body shamed even AT A PLUS SIZE STORE for having big breasts instead of just fat uniformly all over. It was so humiliating to be told before I tried anything on they “didn’t have my size because korean women are more delicate even when fat… try a mens clothing store!”. I am not going to wear men clothing when I fit a size M pants in Uniqlo or H&M… I just want some feminine blouse that fits. I refuse to dress “conservatively” to “hide” my boobs, I just wanted wear the same clothes a korean businesswoman would wear, I am not even showing off, it ain’t my fault I have breasts…? I am not gonna wear baggy clothes because they feel insecure or because old (wo)men can’t keep their eyes off of it. I will just shout angrily at those who stare, the same way I did in my hometown, and in Japan… Sure Japan beauty standards suck as well, more so than in other countries perhaps, but at least I never had people who see me weekly, or at the supermarket for example, telling me I lost or gained weight, telling me I looked like, idk, Avril Lavigne one week and Zendaya the other, trying to “compliment” me, when both of them don’t even look alike. They probably never thought you were “attractive” they just like to think everything from another country is “exotic” and are extremely xenophobic in that sense. At least in Japan the otakus online are past this phase so we can call them out on their bs even on the internet without k-pop fans coming to the defense of a whole nation, as if their idol had anything to do with it. I am moving out of Korea next year, and as Korean friends say, this is indeed “Hell Joseon” and I couldn’t be happier I am leaving. I had a good thing in Japan and was greedy and tbh, I believed the Koreans I met in Japan who said that “korea was almost the same as Japan”, well no way haha. Korea might be great for some people, and it’s full of nice places to visit, but I couldn’t talk of a more traumatic experience living here. Sorry for the long vent. I think I needed this.