Will Korean Men Date Me if I’m [insert difference here]

From the title, you’re probably thinking this is one of my more light hearted pieces. Sorry to say, but this is one of my most FAQ and today, you’re gonna get a little bit of that Latina Tajin spice coming your way.

Let’s be real as always, but I’m super sick of getting, “Will Korean men date me if I’m [insert difference here]?” I’m gonna answer this once and for all, and hopefully quell the insatiable desire for a group of men some women know nothing about. Congratulations if this was sent to you or you stumbled upon this post because it’s time to set your brain straight.

As a Blogger/YouTuber living in Korea some of the most ridiculous/stupid questions I get is, “Will Korean guys date me if I’m [Muslim, vegan, plus size, black, not white skinned, (the list legitimately goes on).]

LIKE WHUT?

If I had $5 for every time someone said this kind of crap to me…

It’s honestly shocking that anyone would put stereotypes or preconceived notions on people and a culture they don’t even know. First, I want you to step back and reevaluate your life because seriously, here’s my unfiltered responses to the most ridiculous FAQ on dating Korean men. If your question is listed below, it’s probably time you start sorting out your priorities.

So here comes Gina Bear, your internet mom and tough love specialist.

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Will he date me if I’m plus size?

This whole “Korean men only date other skinny girls” is so EFFING dumb.

I repeat. THE DUMBEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD.

I have friends that are plus size. I’m plus size. I’ve dated Korean men and so have they. Men are men all over the world. Everyone has their own specific flavor and personal taste. One girl who is the flyest thing on Earth to one bro may not be a cup of tea for another guy.

If he’s being a downright jerk and telling you you’re fat and you need to lose weight (regardless of being Korean or not) that’s mentally abusive and you should question why you’re settling for a tramp that puts you down.

I’ve had Korean guys on Tinder straight up tell me that I’m fat and chubby. The first place they go is the buh-bye block bin and then get a report for inappropriate messages. Who are they to be:

1. Judging my appearance?
2. Commenting on someone they don’t even know?

They don’t even deserve me and all my awesomeness if the first thing they mention is my appearance. Who wants to be with a shallow and insecure loser anyway? Each and every person in the world is more than their looks. Raise your hand if you KNOW you’re worth more than that. Most of these morons wouldn’t even dare to tell me this in real life because they would probably get an earful from me about all of their flaws. If they’re going to point out mine, believe me, I know all the worst insults and insecurities to point out to a Korean. I’m gonna hit them right where it hurts too.

In addition, if you’re insecure about your weight and yourself before you come to Korea, then should you even be moving here in the first place? While I love Korea and I love living here, this place isn’t for paper skinned people. If you’re gonna cry if someone calls you fat, then Korea isn’t a place you should be living.

There are mirrors EVERYWHERE, plastic surgery ads in subways, billboards and YouTube ads; hell, even your coworkers will tell you, “You look tired” if you come in looking like shit.

I highly suggest that if you’re insecure about your weight (or your appearance) that you go see a therapist, start eating healthier, and change your mindset. A healthy and holistic life starts with changing your mindset and implementing good strategies. When you don’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you?

If you don’t love yourself, then yes, Korea is going to get to you. Even if you do love yourself, it will be hard on you too. Either way, you need to make sure you’re in a good place and know how to float in that good place when the going gets tough.

Will he date me if I’m [insert ethnicity here]?

Does it even matter what hole you or he crawled out of? If the first thing going through both your minds when you meet is, “This person is sexy.” That’s honestly the end of that story. Attraction starts with appearance, true, but did you know most people are searching for someone who looks kinda similar to them? Kinda awkward and a little narcissistic, but it’s the truth.

In my case, I don’t have a big or wide nose. Nor do I search for men who display those features. Call me whatever you like, but I know what I want. Guys with big and wide noses are not physically attractive to me, Korean or not. Do yourself a favor and figure out what’s attractive in a man besides his race.

I especially get this question from Southeast Asian women who watch KDramas and are addicted to Kpop. Put it in your brain that not ALL Korean men look like your “oppa”. They have personalities and lives just like you. Even your so called oppa is putting on an entertainment persona because it’s HIS JOB. He’s meant to be your fantasy man. At the end of a day, he’s still human and just as imperfect as the next person.

If it matters to him so much that you come from X country or has negative preconceived notions about your country, this guy is most likely a douche canoe and you don’t need to be associated with him.

Related: Dating in Korea 101 

Will he date me because I’m Muslim?

Should your religion even matter if someone likes you as you truly are? If he’s willing to accept your differences and celebrate them, then you should be with him. If he’s willing to understand that you cannot eat pork because it’s against your practices and teachings to do so then he’s a winner. If he doesn’t understand or forces you to try to eat pork, then why are you with a dickhead like that?

Go find someone who will understand and love you as you are or find a Korean man who is also Muslim that way you align on the same page. I’ll teach ya’ll a little lesson I learned throughout the many frogs I’ve dated. Religion does matter. It matters because someone from the same religion understands where you’re coming from. They know the teachings, practices, and ways of thought that fuel the actions. This isn’t to say that two people from different religions can’t make it work. I’m sure there are couples like with different religions who exist in the world. Personally, I think it’s 10 times harder especially with a man, and due to things I’ve learned in my life.

Why do I say this? Well, I once dated a Korean guy who did not respect that Thanksgiving and Christmas were a big deal to me because of religious and cultural reasons. Even though I calmly and throughly explained the dos and do nots, he still managed to disrespect me because he simply didn’t care about my values. As a matter of fact, I cried for over four hours on a bus from Kunsan to Seoul because he made me miss my Thanksgiving dinner with my friend in Suwon (and made her suffer too because she was left alone).

You should NEVER be with someone who doesn’t respect your values. EVER.

As you can probably guess I dumped this dickhead soon after.

Will he date me if I’m [insert dietary restriction here]?

Listen homie. I’m a vegetarian and I still manage to score dinner dates with really cute and thoughtful Korean fellas. Most think that being vegetarian/vegan entails only eating salads. I have to do a little education because let’s face it, having any sort of dietary restriction in Korea tilts heads. I mention I can eat all sorts of foods like kimchi stew or bibimbap without meat or tuna and then the light bulb goes off in their head like, “Oh yeah, you’re right.”

Once I explain my situation they’ll look up really nice places for us to eat together. That shows me they’re willing to accommodate and that they’re totally chill with my situation. Hence they’re attentive and actually interested in me.

Again, if a Korean guy (or any guy) is being a complete tool about your dietary needs and restrictions, it’s time to say, “Hasta la vista, pendejo.”

Related: Lisa on Being an Interracial Couple in Korea 

Will he date me because I don’t have milky white skin?

This is another instance where I’m gonna straight up, “If I had a dollar…”

Seriously, I could quit my teaching job right now and live off that income. It doesn’t matter if you’re Black, Latina, Asian, blue, purple, yellow or an alien.

THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN SHOULD NEVER MATTER.

You’re the one putting this racism on a group of people who may or may not have an opinion about the color of your skin.

Don’t put someone into a mold because newsflash, that’s also reverse racism and stereotyping.

The whole idea of white skin being beautiful comes from old Korean values of their caste system. The upperclass were generally more pale because they didn’t have to toil and turn out in the fields all day to get by. They could afford to be inside frolicking and doing whatever it is they were doing back then because they had money.

Obviously, there is no caste system anymore, but the mentality of being white shows you have money, power and privilege. Think about it. In the West, we like being tan or darker skinned. It shows we can go afford to go on vacations (hence being out in the sun means having moolah).

Standards of beauty are different all over the world. But you know which standard stays the same? Inner beauty. If your heart and mind reflect beautiful thoughts and actions, I guarantee you’re most likely attracting some pretty awesome people to you.

Will he date me if I can’t speak Korean?

I’ve got good news and bad news for you. The good news is a lot of Koreans study English from a very young age and go study abroad. A lot of them can speak a little bit of English or a lot. Does this mean that you shouldn’t even bother to speak Korean? Hell no. You should speak Korean. Cheating is a huge problem in the country and if your significant other knows you can’t Korean, he may just get a Korean girlfriend on the side. I’m not saying all guys are like this, but don’t be ignorant. Learn Korean. I suggest using Korean Class 101 if you’re interested in it. It’s an online platform with lessons, videos, and tests to hold you accountable.

If you’re trying to fit yourself into some mold that you think Korean guys want, then are you ever truly going to be happy? You won’t be yourself and you’ll be unhappy trying to be something you’re not to satisfy a guy. Think about it. You’re transforming your happiness into a dark pit because the other person doesn’t know who you are.

Honestly, I have no sympathy for women that get into relationships with Korean men just because they’re Korean and then they get treated badly. These are typically the women go about telling the world Korean men are awful and abusive, etc. No one deserves to be treated like shit, but if you willingly put yourself in that situation, then you did it to yourself.

Don’t put your insecurities or imagined racism on a bunch of guys that may or may not be the way you think.

You need to realize you are valuable and unique. See your worth because you should be so much better than this backwards thinking. If you have insecurities, then you need to work on yourself and put yourself in a positive place before you date anyone, Korean or not.

His race or nationality shouldn’t even be a deciding factor in dating him. You should be with someone who loves and respects you. You should never be with anyone who judges you negatively based on your skin, religion, country, appearance, etc. Respect yourself enough to know your value or you’ll be singing the same bitter tune as a lot of other women who put themselves in situations that could have been easily avoided.

In whatever your endeavors are, I hope you find a nice human who will click with you. Good luck and stay beautiful.

P.S. Before ya’ll come running at me with your torches and pitchforks, I also get some people have their preferences. Some women just prefer dating Asian men. Just like some Japanese friends I had in Okinawa only dated Latino, Black or other Asian men. That’s cool too. I like everything, but I’m in Korea, so I date Korean men since they’re in abundance. (And I’ve also lived in Okinawa, Japan for three years so I’ve dating Japanese fellas too.)
Ya catch my drift?

But for real, ya’ll. Don’t come at me expecting to get advice about your situation. I’m not a clinical psychologist, love specialist or life coach. I’m merely a blogger in Korea sharing experiences in a little corner of the internet and on a public forum for the rest of the world to encounter.

And also, this annoyed blogger thinks that you guys asking these questions should be thinking outside the box. It’s 2018. Skin color and race matters should be a thing of the dark past and not now. Love is beautiful and sees no color, race, religion, or gender. 

This post contains affiliate links which means at no additional cost to you, I make a small commission to help keep Gina Bear’s Blog running. Thanks for your support!

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