I’m writing this post because over my time as a blogger in Korea, I’ve accumulated an inbox of similar questions with the same tune. “How can I date in Korea if I don’t have milky white skin? Isn’t that what all Korean guys like?” Sometimes I give an eye roll. Other times I’m downright astonished. With the popularity of Korean culture on the rise worldwide, I decided to ask real women to share their very real experiences of dating Korean men.
This isn’t to sound condescending or anything but last I checked, love comes in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and nationalities. Why does the color of skin matter? While I understand the concern due to white skin being considered the most beautiful on Asian women, Korean men don’t all necessarily feel the same. You ever heard of the saying different strokes for different folks? Everyone has their preferences and some people just don’t care.
But one thing I can tell you for sure is, you should probably be learning Korean and studying up on Korean culture. After all, how can you truly relate to anyone when you can’t even speak the language?
I teamed up with my friends, fellow bloggers, YouTubers, and Instagrammers to prove love isn’t about what you look like, but what’s in your heart.
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Name: Vee
Nationality: Philippines
Vee met her husband through a language exchange and travel website because he was asking for travel advice for the Philippines. They met up in her hometown and the rest they say is history.
What are the benefits of dating a Korean man?
To be honest, I can’t see any benefits relating to him being a Korean. Sure, he was such a gentleman and makes sure I am well taken cared for, etc. I think these traits are not specific to Korean men only. Maybe in a sense, Korean men (in general) are chivalrous in one way or another when it comes to dating.
What are the downsides to being with a Korean man?
They work too hard which means not having ample time to hang out. My husband isn’t very expressive and tends to internalize his stress. He doesn’t share what he thinks because he believes it isn’t manly. I’m sure this is not specific to Korean men, but due to the rather distinct gender roles. Compared to other countries, this type of behavior is quite common.
What are some of the cultural differences between your country and Korea?
Some of the major differences I noticed is there can’t be platonic relationships between the sexes, age is power in Korea, his family (at the beginning) weren’t that accepting of me because I’m not Korean, physical affection here is a no-no, the Aegyo concept, and Korea views appearance or even status in society more seriously than in my country. Also, Koreans work too hard, I believe. In my country, it doesnt matter how old you are or your position. You will get respected anyway.
What are some common misconceptions about Korean men?
Not all Korean men are sweet or romantic. A lot of ladies around the globe swoon from the handsome idols on Korean entertainment. They believe in K-drama actors or idols and their characters to the point of thinking all or most Korean men look like one or act like one. Another misconception is living in Korea is heavenly or a paradise. It’s not. Many struggles can be felt here especially among foreigners. Again, this country has only recently opened its doors to foreigners and a lot of misinformation about foreigners is still going around. It takes time to get used to the Korean way of life and thinking.
What advice would you give to someone wanting to date a Korean man?
Marry or be with a man not because he is Korean but because of who he is. Cultural differences can always be an issue between interracial couples, but I believe personality clashes are more critical than cultural ones. I don’t think it is fair to be in a relationship with someone just because of their nationality, especially if you base their culture from the media. It is tough to be in an interracial relationship especially here in Korea, so it is vital to be with someone who respects and accepts who you are. Also, having standards based on shallow perceptions and foundations must be avoided.
Name: Laura
Nationality: England
Laura met her Korean boo thang through Tinder after living in Seoul for eight months. Prior to meeting him she hadn’t been attracted to Asian men and living in saturation peaked her curiosity.
What are the benefits of dating a Korean man?
Dating a Korean guy has enhanced my expat experience: helping me out with problems, translating, going on trips together in his car, learning some of the language, the compliments, and no game playing.
What are the downsides to being with a Korean man?
Of course there are drawbacks like language barriers, miscommunications, different relationship expectations, and culture clashes.
What are some of the cultural differences between your country and Korea?
From a dating point of view the main difference is how quickly things move. There is no second guessing if a guy likes you or not because he will make it clear he does straight away. Talking about things like marriage are common place from the offset (he asked my views on marriage on our second date). Men here seem a lot more respectful, tell you how beautiful you are, and are very openly caring and gentlemanly. For example my boyfriend will carry my bags, open doors, and help me with anything. It’s really nice, but for someone who is very independent like me, it can sometimes be annoying.
What are some common misconceptions about Korean men?
Some common misconceptions may be that Korean men are very conservative and traditional, which I’m sure a lot are, but I think nowadays they are a lot more open minded and free thinking.
What advice would you give to someone wanting to date a Korean man?
Go in with an open mind and an open heart and, as with dating in any country or culture be cautious, sensible and most of all enjoy it!
Name: Deborah
Nationality: France
Deborah met her beau for coffee after one night of talking nonstop on a dating app. She was so impressed when she met Gunwoo, a handsome Korean rookie actor.
What are the benefits of dating a Korean man?
You feel like a princess when dating a Korean, but it changes when your relationship becomes serious. I always offer to pay the bill at the restaurant, but he usually doesn’t let me. If a guy asks you to pay before you offer then it’s rude. I feel safe with Gunwoo and he helps me a lot with the living in Korea. He found my new apartment and took care of all of it.
What are the downsides to being with a Korean man?
Men in general can be selfish and disrespectful, but it’s not a “Korean thing”. I didn’t realize this before, but I allowed Gunwoo to treat me badly once. After that, I never allowed it again. Some Korean guys are unable to express their feelings so they just get angry without telling you what the problem is. It can cause you to fight all the time.
What are some of the cultural differences between your country and Korea?
The biggest differences between France and Korea are the safety (you can come home at 4am and not be afraid), leave your phone on the table while you order, the respect for the older generation, and the humor (Korean people don’t get our sex jokes 😂). Unfortunately, many Koreans are not open minded enough and judgmental.
What are some common misconceptions about Korean men?
Foreigner girls mostly watch K-dramas and expect Korean guys to be the same in real life. Some are romantic, but I hate to burst your bubble. They’re not that romantic.
What advice would you give to someone wanting to date a Korean man?
I can say I found my soulmate, and you can all find yours. Just be yourself and don’t let guys treat you badly. Talk a lot because expressing yourself is really important. Don’t let something bother you without trying to fix it. Don’t date a Korean man because you want a Korean boyfriend, because you watch dramas and listen to Korean pop. Most Korean guys don’t even watch it. Give a try, but don’t expect anything. Let them call you, ask you out, and don’t beg for it. It’s all about chemistry. If you feel comfortable, then he’s the one.
Name: Mika
Nationality: USA
Mika met her husband in a bar in Hongdae while he was celebrating his birthday with friends. Sometime during the night, they ended up sitting next to each other and began talking. At the end of the night, they exchanged numbers, but she wrote him off because she didn’t expect that he would ever text her back. He asked her out on a date the next day and they’ve been together ever since!
What are the benefits of dating a Korean man?
The biggest benefit I see from a dating a Korean man in Korea is that he can be sort of a shield of sorts: I’m less likely to get ripped off or harassed when he’s present, and he can act as a direct (and much nicer) translator for situations my Korean isn’t technical enough to handle.
What are the downsides of dating a Korean man?
There aren’t really any downsides, at least not where our relationship is concerned. From a societal standpoint, maybe some one would take a glance and have that stereotypical thought of the Korean man “conquering” the foreign woman…but that thought would probably be wiped away the moment they saw our interactions with each other. Ha!
What cultural differences have you noticed?
Between the two of us, the cultural differences have been pretty small, small enough that I can’t list them off of the top of my head; that probably has to do with his exposure to foreigners over the years.
What are the most common misconceptions of dating Korean men?
One misconception that annoys me as a black woman is that Asian men in general are weak, both physically, mentally and emotionally. There are weak men of every race and ethnicity, just like there are strong men. My boyfriend may be a bit slender, but don’t let him fool you: he’s a lot stronger than he looks. Mentally, he’s one of the toughest men I know outside of my family.
What advice can you give to women seeking love in Korea?
One of the surefire ways to meet someone here is in some kind of social setting: that’s how most couples end up getting together here; also, keep an open mind, relationships or otherwise. Don’t sacrifice your needs, your integrity, or your personality for any man, Korean or not: if he wants you, then he’ll have you as you are, flaws and all.
Name: Rein
Nationality: Belgium
Rein met her husband on an online language exchange program where she was matched with her future husband who wanted to make international friends. After talking through Skype and Kakaotalk for one year, she moved to Korea to study, met him and they immediately clicked. They’ve been married for three years now.
What are the benefits/downsides of dating a Korean man?
There are no benefits or downsides to dating a Korean man. They are just like all other men from any other nationality. I guess the question should be, what are the benefits and downsides to dating a guy (in general). Get to know the guy, because they’re all different, and only date those with the same values and it will go wonderfully.
What cultural differences have you noticed?
Quite frankly, none. I married someone that fit me, thus we pretty much are on the same page about everything. You can’t generalize Koreans. I have met Koreans I totally cannot hang out with because they’re too different, and I have met Koreans that were like-minded.
What are the most common misconceptions of dating Korean men?
I went to university in Korea and I know countless western university students who got their hearts broken by Korean men. Not because of those guys, but because of their expectations of them. Korean men are not like the K-dramas. Don’t think you have to dye your hair blonde and wear blue contact lenses and stay out of the sun to be attractive to a Korean man. They’re not so dumb they’re obsessed with anything that has light hair and eyes. This just shows the woman has a close-minded view. Keep it real. I know plenty of Korean men who date dark skinned girls with brown eyes and love them for who they are.
What advice can you give to women seeking love in Korea?
Every single Korean guy has his own personality and taste. So, there is no, “Korean men don’t like me because I’m darker skinned…” It just means you didn’t meet a Korean who likes you for you and you have to keep searching.
Also, Muslim girls often ask me if it would be too hard for them to date Koreans as they eat a lot of pork. It is not a problem if you date someone after finding out that they respect your culture and values. There are enough Koreans who are very respectful about those things. With alcohol. I have never felt left out because I don’t drink. My husband understands this and makes sure everyone at a gathering does too. As long as you don’t force your partner to stop eating pork or drinking alcohol they’ll also respect your choices.
Lastly, do not act like a five year old when you see a nice guy. In dramas, Koreans love helpless and fragile girls. You may encounter some that say it’s cute sometimes, but none of them will actually want to stay with you on the long run.
Name: Nalu
Nationality: Peru & Mexico
Nalu met her boyfriend two years ago while studying Korean at Yonsei University Campus. He was studying for his last semester in business school.
What are the benefits of dating a Korean man?
The benefits I found is you can learn a different culture, language, and get to know Korea from a local. This is not exclusive for just Korean man, but any international relationship includes those aspects. I love him because of who he is as a person and not just his nationality.
What are the downsides of dating a Korean man?
I dated both Latino and Korean men men and had very good and very bad experiences. It depends on the person. The first Korean guys I met/dated, we couldn’t get along not because they were Koreans, or all Koreans are “jerks” but because our personalities didn’t match. When I met my current boyfriend, everything was so easy and cultural differences never matter.
What cultural differences have you noticed?
I dated Latino man, and I found in my personal experience, Korean men are somehow less expressive in complementing his partner and showing PDA. However, I talked with my American and European friends who commented and they said it is vice-versa—Korean men are way more expressive than men they’d dated, so again, this is case by case.
What advice can you give to women seeking love in Korea?
I think some people believe when they date Korean men, they will date their favorite actors or singers, and somehow they expect them to behave the way they see them on tv or movies. In reality, the only thing Korean men share with the actors is the language, some cultural aspects and some physical aspects too. Each person is unique. Loving, respecting, and admiring that uniqueness makes a couple to stay together or break up.
Love will come to you in any way, shape or form. Your love doesn’t have to be from Korea. He can be from anywhere in the world. Korean men aren’t all idols or actors and every guy has his own quirks and flaws.
Don’t make a mistake and let a man break your heart because of your preconceived notions or expectations. People are people no matter where they come from. And to up your chances of getting yourself a Korean man, I highly suggest you start studying Korean using Korean Class 101. Good luck and be happy everyone! <3
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30 Comments on Real Women Talk Dating Korean Men
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Very insightful post – I expected that the common themes would be about race and cultural differences, but instead they’re about mutual respect, attraction and falling in love with a person rather than an idea or image. And that applies to relationships anywhere! Thanks to all the couples for sharing their stories!
I absolutely loved reading about all the stories, tips, advice that these women have shared about dating Korean men. Of course your k-dramas have created this illusion of an over romanticised version of dating a Korean man. But so interesting to hear about the experiences, the cultural differences yet how it has worked so well for these women. I am in a mixed-race marriage and I love ever minute of it, not matter the ups and downs. It’s very exciting and keeps me on my toes!
It’s very interesting to read the opinion of women dating the Korean men. In a way, I can relate to many of the traits of Korean men they have described here, since I have seen those in men around me all the time. So, I guess it can be applied to other men also
Hi I’m falling so hard but I don’t want to scare him! When should you say I love you when dating a korean? Should I wait for him to say I love you first? If I said it first will it just scare him away?
Hi Tina,
I’m definitely no relationship expert. Korean or not a guy is still a guy. I would wait for him to say something first. Good luck with your boo.
You have to ask him frankly what he thinks about you but not in front of others because they could feel pressure or take it easy even though his deep inside wasn’t.
Tell him or call him to eat and drink then you could ask him subtly. Many Koreans don’t say the truth just in case your or his heart broken so need to double check with questions like Really?? Seriously?? Is it a joke? The working strategy would be using your best trustworthy friend to ask him what he think of you. Then it works because it’s not direct one.
I’m dating with a korean guy. He is so kind, gentle, protective and manly….. but I agree with Vee… He doesn’t share what he thinks or what he feels (when he is stressed or something goes wrong) but we are working about this.
Lately I’m a bit scared because I’ll meet his family in December… I know we are in february but I can’t stop to thinking in that date.
I’m pretty sure that he thinks his mom no will be very happy because I’m foreigner…
he try to keep calm but I know he is nervous…. last night he talk about how his mom can’t speak english…. so maybe I need to learn korean to meet his mother? and his dad… he doesn’t
Thesedays most Korean parents don’t say Never with foreigners. So don’t be scared. Only communication would be a problem. If your boyfriend is manly he won’t say his idea but you should ask him then he opens his mind but in kind way you should ask.
I think this post is really important to me because for me, I know I want to be able to find my Korean boyfriend and get to know him and be with him and I will take these tip in head of life to the future and find a guy that will love me for me.
Hello, My name is DeeDee and im just wondering if anyone knows what the view’s are in korean culture about a younger guy/man dating an older girl/woman? I have just been very curious about this.
Thank you for any information yall may have!
It’s more common than you think. Most men who date older women is because it’s more like a sugar momma situation.
It depends on the guys because my sister has been dating with younger korean man. My aunt also married younger one. XD Im Korean so it’s really no problem
My fiance is Korean and I am 12 years older, I also have two kids and am divorced. He likes the fact that since I am older I don’t play mind games like younger girls. I am American, yes white, yes dark blonde hair, and blue eyes. His parents are fine with the union as long as it is done the Korean way. He needs to finish school and military service before the wedding. I respect this, as it is his culture. It really depends on each person when it comes to this. I am finishing my bachelors degree and will be teaching in Korea. His parents respect the fact that I am finding my own way to make our life better in Korea and not just leaning on him and his family to do it for me. My fiance was my Korean teacher, so I have basics in the Korean language and am learning more everyday.
How come you are a divorced 12years old tho???
nice post, so many things to know.
i met a korean guy on my recent trip to Korea . Sadly, i only developed feelings for him on my 3rd night in the hostel though i have to say i fell hard…… he is a fun person and yet responsible. it was also obvious to everyone that his friend likes me because he keeps calling my name for no bloody reason and keeps sitting beside me during dinners (i really dont like his friend because of his character and his drinking habits when he is drunk he is like a korean ahjusshi you see in the Kdramas, touching women….)
however the guy that i like also teased me frequently, giving me a korean name which he keeps calling me by, putting his cap on me when we are taking photos, told me to learn more korean, and he will learn english/chinese when we parted. which led to me thinking that he may like me a little bit in the least?
My friends told me to continue chatting with him thru SNS, which i did. it has been almost a month since we started chatting, but it feels very one-sided to me 🙁 it’s always me asking the questions, and he never asked anything about me. the only one time he initiated the conversation was to ask me if i like his friend…….. which i flat out said no and he replied saying its a joke and his friend asked him to ask.
I have plans to go to korea to study korean in a few months time, and he did say to tell him when i’m in korea next time, but i wonder………. should i….?
i’ve never been in a relationship before so i’m not that “clever” in these kind of situations 🙁
how do you think? Are Korean guys this unresponsive or is it a simple – not interested.
I honestly don’t think this has anything to do with him being Korean and just him being another dumb boy. Men are all the same no matter which country or culture you come from. If he likes you, he will make time for you. He will text you. He will call. If you’re the one constantly calling and texting, then you’re right. He doesn’t feel for you the same way you feel for him and you should move on.
As the Japanese say, “There are plenty of stars in the sky.”
Go find your star, girl because you deserve better than that.
thank you Gina. Sad but yea, i guess it’s time to put my feelings down…
I might not necessarily agree. I am engaged to my Korean man. He acted very similarly to they way your guy acted. His excuse, he did not want to show any true affections for me because he was afraid I did not feel the same and he would push me away. I would slow it down and maybe reconnect with him when you are there. Mine also did not want to get hurt and falling in love with someone that far away can be messy. Talk to him some, but don’t get your hopes up too high or low. If there is a connection there it will come out.
I’m happy to read about the experiences of women dating Korean guys. I am also married to a Korean gentleman. I agree with Vee that you should not date a Korean man because he is Korean but because of who he is.
I have heard about sob stories of Philippine women who were abused here because they are foreigners. Luckily, my husband is so kind and his attitude did not change after marriage.
nice post to read.
btw i met korean guy in dating app. he stays in US because born and raised there. we frequently chat and talk each other. he was really nice and frequently chat me and ask me how was my day despite our very different time zone.
did you guys any idea, this korean guy is just trying to be polite or he just likes me?
FYI, he told me that im like a little sister for him . so i just cant control my heart to not falling hard for him.
please kindly advise me. 🙂
Thankyou 🙂
I dated a korean man and he was very clingy and jelous type even on second date. I did not have a good experience he seemed very into his looks.
Hi, I was wondering what’s the hype about Korean men is about. And then I came across your site, quite informative and realistic. Very well written and insightful too.
Congratulation to all the couples who found love together and thank you for sharing your experience .
I have always had something for Asian guys in general and Koreans in particular .. for some reason I am more attracted to them even though I am not Asian .. I live in the middle east so there are very few Asian men around. I sometimes feel that they are not attracted to non-Asians but apparently, I have a chance .. it is weird how handsome I see them. people around me don’t understand me and I don’t understand it myself .. but I am almost only attracted to them … I am miserable knowing that the chances of being with one are very slim,, but I will keep looking.. thank you for your post you truly gave me hope
I don’t have good experience with Korean men. The one who was talking to me for 9 fucking months ghosted me without any explanation. Korean men are selfish and misogynist. Right, they work so hard and all they want from women is sex and food. They want a woman to appear and make them food when they are hungry and fuck them when they are horny. They don’t care about the emotions of the other persons. They have no empathy at all. Please don’t think Korean men are just like the characters in Kdramas. They are not. And they are never gonna love you like you want. No, they won’t even love you half of how much you love them. Stat away unless abusive and toxic relationship is your thing (which means you need help). I’m not saying this about one person. I have met many Korean men, they are all the same. They want unrealistic things from women, physically, emotionally and in every possible way.
I can almost say the same… they often use foreigner girls just for sex and most the time do not plan to date them long and especially will not marry them, even their parents often say : it’s ok to play around but you can only marry a korean woman.
You can’t generalize all men from the country of Korea just because you encountered the wrong ones. Are all the men from your country behave exactly the same?
I am so happy that I found this Blog. I have been wanting to read about other women and their experiences dating a Korean man. And others with the same questions, doubts. It is true that the media, Kdramas and shows make you want to go get yourself a Korean but In my case it’s a little more than that. I have been through so much in my love live that I feel tired of the same men around me, even my own race or ethnicity and so I thought why not try out of my comfort zone? I heard good things about Korean man. Like for example, most Koreans have real commitment with their significant other. Not sure if it’s true yet. But to be honest I have been wanting to try date a Korean man but I hesitate. One because I am Hispanic from Puerto Rico, I am divorced and have 3 kids. I feel I would be looked down on. And the feeling of not being accepted frightens me.
Hi, I came here looking for answers that include sexual experiences with Korean men and I didn’t find any. I wonder if penis size is a problem when you are a mediterranean woman. I’m not in Korea, I am in Europe and fancy a Korean man. 🙂 But trying not to get my hopes up before we test drive.
I’m leaving this post up because 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 Fetish game on your part, activated.✅
Hello! I have a question, is it common for young Korean men to buy random woman chocolate?
I work at a store and I think he just moved here recently because I never seen him until a few weeks ago.
He came into the store the other day on his birthday, and he over heard me on the phone with my aunt about wanting to apply to a community college, and told me he was applying for the same one too. Then he asked me what my favorite chocolate is, and when I told him that we ran out he took a bit of time to pick out chocolate for me and bought them for me.
My aunt overheard everything, and she asked if he was Korean. I said “I don’t know, but he’s asian. How did you know?”.
She said that it was her gut that told her, and said that it’s common for Koreans to show affection though chocolate (she knows a few Koreans).
So, I’m wondering if this is a sign of interest, or if he was being polite, because I never really talked to him other than helping him about what chips were on sale. So I don’t know if it’s about interest or not. Now I’m stuck with some sort of feelings for him just because of M&M.